I was disappointed to read a recent article By Shannon Bradley-Colleary. It was published in the Huffington Post and titled Marriage and the Ménage à Trois. I have included the link for you here Marriage and the Ménage à Trois. The disappointment came when Mrs. Bradley-Colleary tried to explain that sex was the beginning of love and that it should not be tampered with. There should be no other explorations of a couple with additional partners as it too may lead to love. She says’ “In my experience, sex transmogrifies into, if you’re lucky, genuine love, if you’re less lucky, fluttery infatuation or, if you’re totally screwed, mad obsession”.
Really? Why can’t sex just be sex? And how is it that she speaks for every married couple? I don’t have the answer to that one, but I can add that many couples, married and otherwise, have successful and lively ventures into the world of multiple partners. I have interviewed many who claim the “Lifestyle” saved their marriages and they love the new intimacy and value it brings to their relationships.
I do not speak for all, but I assure you that there are as many different likes as there are dislikes. Mrs. Bradley-Colleary states that she stayed with a man she thought was Satan because the sex was good. Huh? But don’t try a threesome, he may fall in love and leave you. Really?
Every game we play has a set of rules. Relationships are similar in that we have rules around them that we want everyone to adhere to. Marriage is one of those relationships. If the rules aren’t broken we feel like we can win the game and be happy together. But, everybody has to play by the rules. Who’s rules?
Open up the Rules Book
As with any relationship, define the rules and stick to them. Be open to conversation but not deviation. Discuss openly with your partner what is acceptable and what is not. If you wish to try a multi-partner experience I suggest you make a plan, define the rules and play by them. Deviation will cause penalty flags to be thrown leading to disaster. If you feel relationship disaster is the end result, re-think the event.
When we are honest about what we want and can live with the outcome, we have a reasonable relationship between those involved. It will never suit everyone, but if makes you happy, go for it.
Again I suggest, make a plan, a set of rules and stick to them.
Can it be fun and enhancing? That’s for you to decide not Mrs. Bradley-Colleary.
If this subject interests you, please let us know and we will be glad to write a few follow ups.
Love with no shame and ask with no fear
Take a look at Jay Simcic’s latest book. Here’s the link to find it on Amazon.com: Mancode Secrets Revealed. I highly recommend it for all of our readers. It covers a ton of aspects that you could benefit from in your relationships. The reviews have been great and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.