Tag Archive for saving my marriage

We’re Not in Kansas Anymore….

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

The last several weekly articles have generated a debate that has fascinated me, the RLA staff and many readers. Here are the links to the two that started the conversation: Lights, Action, Drama!!!!!!!!!! and Attitude and Gratitude Check them out if you haven’t already.

The power of choice and the recognition of being in control of choosing has brought out stories that prove the point. At first it seemed odd that people around me made an argument of no possibility of choice and that we have no control over our emotions or how we react to situations. So, we here at RLA took a deeper dive and followed the rabbit down the hole. The first post addresses how we choose and the consequences of doing so. If we allow ourselves to be controlled by emotion, that too, is a choice.

The second post gave insight to the perspective in which we choose to live. I give several examples of how I and people around me make bold choices to do the right thing in the face of what could be considered “wrong”. The reality is that there is no “right’ or “wrong” but WE choose to make it into something that we can label and therefore be comfortable with. I like that we have a conversation going about our ability (or not) to choose how we act, react, and engage.

So, back to the stories… Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting a woman named Savannah, who was gracious enough to discuss our web site and asked questions about what we do here at RLA. She was intrigued and shared many aspects of her life with me and my friends. She was open and direct and shared one story after another. Savannah had us all laughing about her family and their behavior.

During the discussion, the option of choice was brought up. We talked about how making choices and being in control brought a great position of power to any relationship. I offered that if we wanted the truth about any situation, our best bet was to ask a woman 70 years old or more. You see, my opinion is that there is no greater truth than that from an old woman. They have seen it all, lived it all and done it all. Furthermore, they have absolutely no reason to hold it back. They will fire the truth at you as if it were being shot out of a Remington model 1100, right between the eyes and with no regard to your feelings. You asked, they deliver. Old ladies are the Dominos pizza of truth, delivered right to your door, hot, fresh and under 30 minutes. “Does that dress make you look fat? Oh Honey! When you walked into to church this morning, I thought there was a college football game about to start. I mean, silver stripes just aint’ your thing Sweetie. Now, I don’t mean nothin’ by it, but if you want to keep that dress at least get some advertising for the back side.” And there you have it the double report from the model 1100 fired at point blank. I LOVE OLD WOMEN! They choose to live by their own rules.

And Savannah, once again, had a story. She has an aunt who, at the time, was 92 years old. And Aunt Janie liked to have things here way. She made no bones about it, she liked things to be a certain way based on her proper upbringing in the state of Georgia. You see, Aunt Janie had lived during a time when manners were taught and observed by everyone in the community and she was not about to let go of what she viewed as proper. In addition, Aunt Janie knew this was her choice. Her choice came with consequences but that was also fine by her. As Savannah explained, Aunt Janie was the kindest person you could meet. She loved company and was a gracious southern cook. Aunt Janie was as happy to have visitors at any time as most single older women are. But there was one thing she would not compromise. Aunt Janie was raised in a time when a visitor “called” before they arrived. As was the custom in her younger days, it was proper to schedule a visit, especially to the home of a single woman. And now was no different.

Savannah said that even though the family all knew of this “rule” some of them tried to visit unannounced. The results were less than spectacular. Every unannounced visitor found Aunt Janie sound asleep on the sofa facing the TV. And no matter how hard or often they knocked, no one could wake Aunt Janie. When Savannah told Aunt Janie that she had missed several visitors due to her afternoon napping, she was stunned to find out that Aunt Janie had missedd nothing. Her 92 year old aunt was playing opossum! She explained that she knew of each and every person who came calling and she feigned sleep rather than answer the door to an unannounced caller. She was set in her ways and no one was going to alter the proper nature of her rules. Aunt Janie further explained that she increased the volume of the television, slumped down into a sleeping position and watched through half open eyes as the company banged on her front door. How cool is that? At 92 years old, Aunt Janie was still saying, “Do it my way, or bite my A$$!”

In this case Aunt Janie made a choice, it had consequences and she lived by her rules. Love it or hate it she chose to conduct herself as she saw fit and I feel like that alone is enough to offer some respect.

So, this will wrap up my rant on choice unless there is more out there to discuss. The conversation has been stimulating and thank you to all of those who have shared in the dialogue. Keep choosing and offer the same to those in your life. You be surprised as to the results.

As always,
Love with no shame and ask with no fear.
Bobby

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Making Any Relationship Work

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Recently, I was asked what the key is to making a relationship work. Those of you who read my articles know that I am a huge fan of communication. I love to engage in meaningful conversation, with friends, family and, of course, my lover. Conversation brings meaning to everything, without it, we have no method of relating or conveying thoughts, ideas or feelings.

I even enjoy conversation about things I don’t like. My friends and I discuss political views and I listen and engage. I have dialog with others regarding differences of religious views and beliefs. I will open a talk about food, working out, music, movies, social programs, gas prices anything, as long as it is meaningful and everyone gets something from the interaction. I don’t like all these subjects, but I love the conversation. I find it mentally stimulating and valuable information in order to truly know others.

It has been said that we should never talk about politics or religion. I would suggest, that a person not able to remove themselves from the emotions attached should not have those conversations. Some of the best interactions I have are with people of differing view points. Why would we only want to engage with like minded people? If everyone is thinking the same thing, 50% of the people are not thinking. So talking with those who don’t agree with our opinion is just that, talking. Listen, engage and have fun.

But, what is really the key to a good relationship? If conversation was all there was, we would be in perfect relational status. With 24 hours news, cable TV and the internet, we talk or get talked to, all the time. So, conversation is only a means of developing and maintaining our relationships, not necessarily the key to success. Not only did I want to provide an answer to my reader, I wanted the answer for myself. What is the key?

Reaching Out Through Technology

In today’s world of distance and technology, it’s been stated that relationships have changed. I would argue, that we have changed as people and how we interact with one another. We have a litany of medias barraging us from the moment we wake up to the minute we go back to sleep. Television, radio, email, internet, social media, cell phones, texting, we have a constant flow of information blasting our senses every waking moment. I myself will have the TV on while I check my emails. I can do both and I like it. But it has changed us not as people, but in the way we interact.

With information flowing into us from everywhere at all times, it is natural for us to filter what we hear and how we hear it. It used to be called selective hearing by married couples. We have the ability to hear what we want when we want to. And with the amount of “stuff” being thrown at us, it stands to reason that we will miss things or just refuse to hear them. It’s not our fault, it is the way of our current world.

Children have adapted faster than many adults, as they don’t see most technology as new. It was here when they arrived on the planet and they simply just use it. Us, more mature folks, have had to adapt and that may mean that we miss things from time to time. We have changed the way we interact, we have more stimuli than ever before and we have technology creating a physical gap between us.

It’s not wrong, it’s just how it is.

We live in a world where it is increasingly difficult to have solid successful relationships. So, What is the key?

Where is Your Hat?

Yeah, where is your hat? That’s right? Here is the key…

When it comes to making a relationship work, I would ask this simple question. For me the answer is easy. Take a look at you and your relationship, if you want the best out of it then get committed to it. Put your hat in the ring. If your hat is on a hook somewhere else then you are not focused here. If your hat is in another ring, then your are committed to something else. The key to making any relationship work is throwing your hat in the ring and committing to it. Communication gets all of the moving parts put in the proper places, but if you’re distracted by all the background noise we suffer with daily, are you really listening? Is your hat in the ring or tilted slightly on your head? Relationships work well and they work best when we commit to them. And although it takes a little work, the benefits are enormous!

And this works for any and all relationships. Take a child for instance, when we tune out all the noise and listen just to them, it becomes their entire world. And in return the child will listen back. They become engaged and want to interact. It is beautiful to watch.

I enjoy the exchanges I have with my friends and family. I treasure dialogue with my lover. If I were to become distracted, what benefit is there for any of us? The key to making any relationship work is taking the time to disengage from all of the garbage infecting our senses and just listen to the one we want to hear from. Put your hat in that ring!

We have an easy excuse given the massive informational input we have each day. It becomes common to say, “I forgot”, “I didn’t hear you say that”, or “What?” but if you want the relationship to really work, commit and throw your hat into the ring. Take the time to listen and hear what’s there for each of you. Not all conversation is fun and not all is worth having, but you only get to decide when you open yourself to the possibility of good dialogue.

So there is the key as I see it. Don’t miss the chance for your child to explain they are unhappy, it may prevent additional issues. Don’t miss the chance to help a friend with a problem, you may have the same one later. Don’t miss the chance to hear about a religious belief, you may discover God. And never miss the opportunity for some to tell you that they love you.

Every time it comes to your relationships, my advice is to throw you hat into the ring.

 

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Save This Marriage Using 4 Simple Strategies

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)
YouTube Preview Image

Save This Marriage Using 4 Simple Strategies

While saving a marriage may not be impossible, it is really hard to do it by yourself. When your spouse has one foot out the door, it may seem like any chance of rescuing your relationship is over. If you just maintain a cool head, you will give yourself a chance to find some options to offer your spouse for rethinking their position. By using these strategies, you may be able to bring your spouse around to your way of thinking, and that may be all it takes to redirect your energy as a couple in a positive direction.

The Elements Needed to Save a Marriage

Act As If – Many studies have been conducted which show that how we act actually dictates how we feel. If you feel sad, and you make yourself take a posture of being happy, you will begin to actually feel happy. So if you act like you are a happy couple, you will begin to feel like a happy couple. That does not mean that all of your problems will simply melt away, but it does mean that you are stacking the deck in your favor to help you both remember why you fell in love in the first place. Being happy causes you to remember the good times, and that continues the blissful cycle.

Be Patient – You may want your spouse to behave differently or join you in counseling. If they are not ready to try these things just yet, do not hound them. Begging and threatening are much more apt to cause additional problems rather than fix anything. Ask gently, and ask often. Try not to judge your spouse because they do not move at the same pace that you do. They are processing the problems that you are having as a couple, and maybe what they need for a fix is not what you need for a fix. If you are both genuinely trying to save your marriage, then give them the space to come to their own decisions. Respect their boundaries and keep offering them the opportunity to try new things or to join you in counseling.

Deal with the Issues – If your spouse was at the brink of leaving, then your marriage has problems. So just because he is staying, do not pretend that the problems do not exist. If you do, you will simply be watching them leave another day. Take this opportunity to find out where the problems are in your relationship and fix them. There are a myriad of problems that drive people apart, but if you both genuinely want to work out whatever the problem for your relationship is, you will find a way. If you find that you are stuck, then enlist the help of a counselor. Otherwise, listen to each other, and if you put each other’s needs in front of your own, you may naturally find your fix.

Maintenance – Just because you are having problems in your marriage does not mean that the world stops. You still have a family to care for, work to attend to and other obligations that are outstanding. So it is really to get beaten down when you are dealing with marital problems. Make sure that you look after yourself, so that you have the mental acuity and energy to deal with everything on your plate. You need to eat, sleep and exercise so that you are healthy and can relieve any built up stress. By taking care of your needs, you will be able to solve your problems more effectively as well.

Once your spouse has thrown in the towel on your marriage, it can be difficult to turn things around, but it is possible to do. Try to stay positive and calm, and let your spouse know that you want to try to repair your relationship. By offering some room for your spouse to express their frustrations, it is possible to save a marriage. You may need to enlist the help of a professional, or you my find your way back to happiness on your own. The important thing is that you try.

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Making Relationships Work – Relationship Problems Dont Have To Be Hard To Solve

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

All it takes is a little guidance and a few tips to put you on the right track. If you’re having trouble in your relationship and are looking for ways to save it then check out this video. You learn why making relationships work isn’t as hard as you thought.

YouTube Preview Image

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Save This Marriage – Strategies For Convincing A Spouse To Save A Marriage

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Imagine… your partner is seconds away from leaving with packed bags. What do you do. How do you convince your partner that you want to save this marriage. Here are a few tips on where to start.

YouTube Preview Image

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)