Tag Archive for save a marriage

The Journey For Choosing The Right Man

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DriverXSmallImagine you’re setting out on a journey. You are heading to Disney World for a week of fun and entertainment. You pack your things, lock the house, and get in the car. You start up the engine and look down the road.

In that moment you realize you don’t a have map, directions to get there from where you are, or a GPS to help you. You’re obviously not going to get there in the most efficient way possible.

Most people would say that is how we travel through the life of our romances and relationships. No guide or directions, we just wing it in hopes we’ll get to the destination we want.

I would like you to consider that it’s actually worse than that. Here is the scenario that I believe is more accurate. You’ve got a map, you’ve got a GPS and you’ve got directions to get to Disney World. And here’s what they look like.

Your grandparents handed down the map. They used it in the 1970’s when Disney World first opened and passed it down to your parents and then your parents to you. It’s all yours and you think it’s accurate and up to date. Why would your parents give you something that was incorrect? Right?

Your GPS was given to you from someone who had trouble with it and thought you could use it. To you it seems normal. It doesn’t look like anything is wrong with it. It’s just used.

The directions were given to you by your father, your previous boyfriends, and other male figures who you loved and had trust in to give you the right directions. You learned a few directions from each as you went along until you had what you thought as a full set.

What I’m suggesting here is that you’re driving toward a destination relationship with old, out dated equipment, that needs updating. In fact, the map or blueprint you’ve been using to guide you through the maze of relationships more than likely isn’t even half yours. You’ve acquired them from others along the way. Much of it is made up and you probably wouldn’t even get to where you were going.

As you read this book you will begin to see new openings in how you’ve picked men in the past, how it may have been on autopilot and how you can recreate your own map for relationship success right now. What’s even more powerful is you can now pass on an accurate map, directions and GPS to those you love.

Enjoy this journey and eye opening read.

Go check out Bobby McFadden’s newest release on Amazon Kindle.  It will be an eye opening experience.  Go get it.

@$$holes To Zipper Heads – The A to Z Guide For Choosing A Man!

I promise you won’t ever forget it.

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

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Can The Pec Pop of Love Save Your Relationship

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Can the “Pec Pop of Love” save your relationship through it’s subliminal message?

This message is for both women and men.  In fact this message is just as much for me as it is for you.  Watch an read and you’ll understand.

Watch this clip and we can discuss it when it’s over…

The clip you just watched is from Journey 2:  The Mysterious Island.  One of the main characters is played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.  He goes on a journey to bond with his step son.  It’s a nice family movie that is fun to watch.  But the key scene you just watched is funny and effective in it’s subliminal message.

You see, Dwayne’s character is dispensing some advice to his step son on how to land the hot girl who is stuck on the island with him.  The boy can’t stand it.

The truth is… there may be some truth to the “Pec Pop of Love” if you take it to another level of understanding.

First, it’s not so much the Pec Pop that’s going to do the trick but the physique, exercise, and commitment it takes to get in shape.

You’re probably wondering how all this comes together but let’s look at some of the benefits of being physically fit and exercising on a regular basis.

  • Exercise is known to reduce depression for both men and women.
  • Physically fit people tend to have a higher stamina in the bedroom.
  • Physically fit people tend to have higher confidence in themselves.
  • That confidence they now have comes across in everything they do and are sexy to the opposite sex.
  • exercise and depression

Those are some great side benefits if you ask me.  Confidence, feeling sexy, higher performance in the bedroom… you can’t ask for more than that for the side benefits of anything.  I don’t know one pill, even the “blue pill” that can do all that.

I’m going to add to the list above for what exercise can do for your relationship…

  • Working out together gives each of you more attention on each other.
  • Working out together allows you to have planned showers together.
  • Working out together gives you a reason to add post workout massages to your agenda.
  • Discover what makes each other relax after a hard workout.
  • Plan to have sex after your workout and while you’re already sweaty.
  • Increase the number of conversations you have on a weekly basis because you’re working out together.
  • Talk more often about important topics while you’re de-stressing at the same time.

As you can see, adding exercise routines together can not only improve your physique, stamina, and confidence, it can bring you and your partner closer together in ways you may have never seen before.  This exercise plan you start doing may open up new conversations.  You may grow confident in each other sexually and start exploring new things.  You may begin to see the benefits of conversation, exercise, and the overall benefits of being TOGETHER.

Now can you see how my thoughts of how the Pec Pop of Love can save your relationship?

I would love to hear your Pec Pop story.  Send us some of your hot, sweaty, workout stories.  I want all the gory details.  Has exercise improve your relationship?  Let us know.

Now, obviously you can see there was a physical aspect to this post and a conversational aspect.  If you’re at all interested in improving your relationship, go grab our new book that is out on Amazon Kindle.

Get it here:  Mancode Secrets Revealed:  Relationship Advice For Women

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

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Relationship Breakthrough Challenge-Part 3

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RelationshipBreakthroughSmallIf you missed the first two parts of the Relationship Breakthrough you can check them out here…

Relationship Breakthrough Challenge-Part 1

Relationship Breakthrough Challenge-Part 2

I would recommend you read those first two posts first to get the greatest impact of today’s lesson.  But either way you will GET value.

In this part of the Relationship Breakthrough you’re going to get an idea of why you may see your relationship as not working, what causes you to feel the way you do, and how to take your relationship to a new level.

Get ready to unlock the blueprint of your relationships.

When you look at your relationships and how they’re working for you it stands to reason the first thing that needs to be done is look at where your relationships come from.  Why does it seem you get into the same type of relationships over and over again?  Why does it seem like you end up with the wrong man over and over again?

So first, ask yourself…

How have YOU made your relationships be the way they are?

You’re probably saying… What!?  How have “I” made my relationships this way?

That’s right… It’s time to take responsibility.  If you recall from part 2 of this series the focus was gaining your power back by being responsible for the way things are.  It’s time to do that RIGHT NOW.

You’ve made your relationships the way they are by finding the person you’re with as a result of the story you’ve told yourself over the years about YOU and others.

For instance, if you think “I’m not good enough.”  You may find yourself looking for partners who are less than you.  Not like value you but like they need something from you to be right.  That way you feel a little better, like you have everything figured out.

I’m not saying you do this consciously.  I’m saying that based on the story “I’m not good enough” that you’ve built up at an unconscious level you do things to find people who fit that mold.

Now lets add to that a story you have that says, “I’ll never find the right partner, I’ll have to change them.”

You may find yourself looking for partners who are sub par.  People who NEED YOUR HELP.  That’s also congruent with how you see yourself.  If you’re not good enough and you find someone who needs your help, WOW you might feel loved and appreciated for once.

I’m here to tell you, none of it’s true.

What is your story, exactly?

Your story consist of your experiences, feelings, and memories in life.  In essence, it’s your past.  AND it’s what you have made the past MEAN to you.

Let me give you an example…

Henrietta grew up with an abusive father.  He verbally abused and sometimes smacked her around.  Her first experience of a man was her father.  At that age she decided she never wanted to be with a man who was like that.  She drew conclusions of what he looked like, how he talked, the tone he used, and how he acted around women.  This happen when she was a child and stayed with her forever.  A few more instances of this type of abuse occurred as she grew up that solidified those thoughts.

Now, she won’t be with a man who looks, acts or uses the tones like her father and those other men.  Now she is with men who are weak and are submissive to her because she wants to be in control.  She doesn’t want to be treated like that again so she compensates.  But she does it at an unconscious level.  It’s the young girl that’s driving the bus, not the grown adult.  She has no idea why she’s picking these men.

There could be more too it.

When she was a girl she figured she wasn’t doing things right, she wasn’t good enough, because her dad treated her that way.  That thought has stuck with her.  She feels like she’s not good enough and compensates with the men she’s with in one way or another.  So, not only does she not find the RIGHT man for her, she also treats them differently because the story is running her life.

She hates her relationships because they don’t go the way she thinks they should go.  But they ARE going the way she has created them to be – from her past.

You’ll probably say, “She didn’t cause her father to do the things he did.  She didn’t cause the men she was with to be submissive.”

No but she made the meaning and she went looking and accepted the relationships of the submissive men.

So why doesn’t she have the relationships she wants?

It’s because our lives are like a thermostat.  We set it to 76 degrees.  If the temperature is 80 degrees then the air kicks on and it cools the house till it gets to the set temperature.  And vice versa.

If you have a vision of how your relationship should look but your story has run it a different way, you’re not happy because your thermostat is off.

You strive for your relationship to be a perfect 76 degrees but your story guides you down a different path.  (You’re A/C unit is broke.)

If you keep doing the same thing and you never interrupt your story you’ll continue to get more of what you’ve always gotten.

That’s why it’s so important to take responsibility for everything you’ve created in your relationship and your life.

So why don’t you change things, knowing that you want your relationships to go a certain way?

It’s because we take actions congruent with how our relationships occur to us.

For instance, if in your relationship you view your partner as broken, needing to be fixed, weak, or anything of the sort – you will act accordingly.  You will treat your man that way.  At the same time if you “aren’t good enough” you will treat yourself in your relationship as if you aren’t good enough. (You stay with someone who is not the right fit only because you think it’s the right thing to do—again story.)

Your story may be telling you – My partner needs fixing and in order to make me feel like I’m good enough I’m going to stick it out and try and fix him.

You act in accordance with how you see yourself and how you see your partner.  Combine those two things and you have the reason why you do the things you do in your relationship.

And it all stems back to getting responsible about yourself, your past, and the people you’re with in a relationship.

So that begs the question…

Can you change your story, the meaning you’ve given things?

Yes!  Yes!

You can’t change the events but you certainly can understand why YOU created what they mean and you get to create new meaning or leave it be.

For instance, Henrietta can’t change what her father did and what the other men in her life did but she can be honest and understand what she made those things mean.  She can be responsible that SHE created the meaning as a little girl and she no longer has to live her life that way.  She can now be responsible for her actions.

She can now choose to stay with the man she’s with – all issues and everything – or she can choose to move on.

There are only a couple of ways Henrietta can get through this.

She may realize that she was compensating for her stories about how she sees herself and how she sees her partner, realize her partner is not the RIGHT person for her and go find someone knew.

Or

She could realize all those things and stay with her partner if she TRULY believes this person is right for her.

Now that she realizes those things about herself and her story she can be aware of her actions, change the way her relationships occur and how she occurs to herself.  That by itself will change the actions she takes in her relationships.

It all boils down to taking responsibility for yourself.  It’s just being done in a way you may have not seen before.

How do you change the meaning something?

This might be easy to grasp and allow me to explain it.  Have you ever reacted to something negatively or in a flammable way.  Ask yourself, why did you react that way.  It will more than likely take you to a belief you have about something.

Now be honest and ask yourself why you have that belief.  You may find that you don’t know why, you may know why, but either way that belief has a certain meaning for you.  And if someone drives in the opposite direction of the way you THINK it should be, you react.  And you do it at an unconscious level.

Now, if you can be responsible for the fact that you MADE the meaning up or transferred that meaning from someone else, like a parent, you can see how changing the meaning is a matter of accepting responsibility for it and choosing to change it.

You can change it or allow it to be neutral.  It’s your life, your belief, use the event and the beliefs how you want.  But don’t let them use you.  Don’t be at the affect of life.

Be responsible.

How do you take that and move your relationship to the next level?

Now you can live your life productively with your partner.  You can powerfully choose to stay or leave based on what you uncovered about yourself and how you view your relationships.

Once you understand and can utilize this you will either take your current relationship to a new level or you will create a new relationship. But ultimately you are FREE to choose that for yourself.

You are not locked in.

And remember you can NOT change your partner.  You have to do the work first.

I remember a time when my wife asked me to take the trash out.  It took me 3 hours because I didn’t do it right away.  She got pissed.  She had expectations that I was going to do it right when she asked, but she didn’t communicate it.  Also, she got inflamed because she ended up taking the trash out and figured it was my job to do that.

After we talked about it we both realized that she got pissed, not at me but at what her belief was about what I should have done.  I realized that when she made a request it was in the moment.  Now we communicate a whole lot clearer.

Now go practice.  Take some time by yourself and follow these steps.

  1. Pick one area about yourself that you would like to investigate.
  2. Ask yourself why you are that way. Be honest and think back to the earliest memory you have that would make you the way you’re being or seeing yourself.
  3. Write it down like this… Write down what happen and then write down what you made it mean.  And be honest.
  4. Now that you have identified that, write down ways that meaning has filtered your view of yourself or others around you.

If you do this and you’re honest with yourself, you may find that you’ve been letting a meaning that happened long ago has been driving your bus.  You just didn’t know it.

In the next post of this series I’m going to show you why you find yourself not taking action when it comes to confronting your partner or people in other relationships.  You’ll see clearly how to overcome what it is that stops you.  Stay tuned…

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

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Making Relationships Work – Relationship Problems Dont Have To Be Hard To Solve

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All it takes is a little guidance and a few tips to put you on the right track. If you’re having trouble in your relationship and are looking for ways to save it then check out this video. You learn why making relationships work isn’t as hard as you thought.

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Save This Marriage – Strategies For Convincing A Spouse To Save A Marriage

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Imagine… your partner is seconds away from leaving with packed bags. What do you do. How do you convince your partner that you want to save this marriage. Here are a few tips on where to start.

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