Tag Archive for relationship advice

Get A Man To Do Whatever You Want

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Get What You WantWhen it comes to relationship advice you can get your fair share from anyone you ask.

Everybody has their own thoughts and opinions about what you should be doing.  Just like them.. here’s mine.

First thing to keep in mind is getting what you want, at it’s core, is a conversation.  It’s a conversation and compromise.  Let’s go through this.

What is it that YOU want?

The first thing I think you should do is articulate for yourself exactly what it is you want.  If you’re going to ask for something you need to be ready to answer questions, defend your position, and explain why you want.  You’ll also want to consider how much you’re willing to give up for it.

I know this could be anything and we’re talking in generalities so think of something right now that you want out of your relationship.  That way as we go through this you can move along the process.

If you know exactly what you want, what you’re willing to give up for it and what you’re NOT willing to give up for it, you’ll be as prepared as ever.  Remember, you’re the one who has to know your limits first.

This isn’t some hard core negotiation but it will require some compromise depending on how open or closed your man is to what you want.

This is a conversation about what YOU want that your man can help deliver on.  It’s about making you happy and what he has to do to make you happy.

Let’s look at an example.  It’s simple and for illustration purposes very surface level…

Let’s say I want to go out with friends on a guys night.  I could just tell my wife I’m going, not care what she says and leave anyway.  That’s won’t do any good for our relationship.

I could say hay, “I’m thinking of going on a guys night this Friday.  Do you have anything planned for the two of us or are you good if I go?”

That’s pretty simple.

Then of course there’s the other end of the spectrum… “Ummm, honey… I’d like to have a guys night, would you give me permission to go?”

Of course there will be trade-offs… what time will you be home, do we need a baby sitter, who are you going with, will you be drinking and will you have a designated driver… etc.

The point is that it’s a conversation.  There might be some trade-offs for each of you.  No matter what, you can set your boundaries and get what it is you want on your terms.

What is your plan of attack?

If this isn’t a negotiation, why do you need a plan of attack?  I want you to use some common sense about this.  You don’t want to catch me right as I’m coming home from work and I’m in a bad mood.  You don’t want to catch me after I’ve just had a conversation with my boss that didn’t go to well.

Not that any of that should influence what you get but why not at least set yourself up for success.  So the right time is just as critical as knowing what you want and how much you’re willing to give up to get it.

Catch your man at the wrong time and you could lessen your chances.

How can you approach him so that he gets something too?

The way to approach him is with your first four buttons open, lots of cleavage showing, and a come hither look on your face.

No, I’m just joking.

You want to approach him as honest and authentic as you can.  You want to be upfront and tell him “I want something and I would like to talk to you about it.  Is now good?”

That sets him up for the conversation.  It gives him a chance to say, now is perfect or let’s talk at a better time.  This is your relationship we’re talking about.  These are your wants and needs up against his wants and needs.  You want to do it when it works for both of you.

Listen, if what you want is something simple, like a piece of chocolate, go friggin’ get it.  That’s not what I’m talking about.  What I’m talking about are the things you want out of your relationship including stuff you like to do, fun, entertainment, and romance.  All of it should be involved in the conversation.

With that being said, I want to reiterate, this is a conversation.  I recommend you have these conversations regularly so that both of you know what each other wants and where you want to go with your lives together.

I can almost guarantee that if you don’t have conversations and keep an open, authentic line of communication going, your relationship will be doomed.  Remember, these strategies are good for both men and women.  It’s just dialogue.

Thoughts, ideas, comments, gripes?  Post them below in the comment section.

To a healthy relationship,

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Relationship Advice In A Facebook World

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Relationship Advice For FacebookHow do you handle your relationship in a world of Facebook and other social sites?

First consider Facebook has over 901 million monthly active users.  Over 526 million of those people use Facebook every single day.

What does that tell you?

It tells you that TONS of people are using Facebook to communicate, interact, and engage with other people.  This site and others like it, have changed the face of how we connect .

Had it not been for Facebook I would have never reconnected with old high school friends I haven’t seen in 15 years or more.

Facebook makes it fast and easy to find people and engage with them.

You don’t have to sit on the phone for an hour catching up.  You can catch up with people on your own time.  For goodness sake, you can even be a voyeur of sorts because you can watch and never interact.

That’s kind of SCARY at the same time.

This connection engine has also created an ability to meet new people faster than ever before.  You have the ability to find people who like the same things.  It’s pretty easy to use Facebook to find your next fling or business relationship.

And that’s what some people are doing.  They’re sexting, emailing, and engaging in fantasies outside of their marriage or relationship with others using the inner workings of the biggest social site in the world.

Facebook isn’t the only site that allows you to do this, there are others out there.  It’s just that Facebook is the biggest.

Either way, if you want to meet people there is no shortage of ability.

How could Facebook impact your relationship or marriage?

It’s much easier to connect with old girlfriends, boyfriends, and partners.  You can sneak peeks of what those people are doing in their lives and then engage them.  It gives you the ability to rekindle old flames, even if you didn’t intend to.

It can definitely cause jealousy like you’ve never seen before.  Consider that you have the ability to have conversations in front of all your friends and many others.  If someone wants to post something about you that could impact your relationship, you don’t have much control over it and you’ll have some explaining to do.

Then again, much of it can be hidden through the email system inside of Facebook.  So then all you need is a password.

But it’s the public arena that can impact your relationship the most.  With digital photos and the ability to post them almost instantly you could be looking at problems.

How so?

You can be tagged in photos that you’re not interested in others knowing about.  You and some friends are out at a festival.  You’re dancing and having a good time while some woman you don’t know comes over and starts dancing with you and calling you the “King”.  She tries to get all up in your grill.

Just as she bumps up against you someone in your group takes a picture.  That picture gets posted to Facebook and you’re tagged.  The problem is the woman in the picture doing the grinding isn’t your wife.  And the picture doesn’t let everyone know that you pushed her way 0.3 seconds later.

You can control what you post but you can’t control what other people post and in what context.  That leaves everyone else to make their own decisions.  And these things can happen to both men and women.

Can you see the impact of our digital world.  Here’s a glimpse of the impact:

It turns out the kiss of death for marriages might be more like a poke.

A third of all divorce filings in 2011 contained the word “Facebook,” according to Divorce Online. And more than 80 percent of U.S. divorce attorneys say social networking in divorce proceedings is on the rise, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Divorce lawyer Marian Rosen, who practices in Houston, said she’s increasingly seen social media cited in divorce proceedings and child custody battles.

“We’ve had instances where they pull up Facebook in the course of a deposition,” Rosen told ABC News, adding that in addition to proving infidelity, she’s seen cases in which children’s profiles are cited as evidence to suggest bad parenting. “Once it’s out there for the world, it’s very difficult … to erase from the past. There are going to be trails that can be followed.”

Source:  abcnews.go.com

That should give you a taste of what’s going on.

How do you handle it if you see messages to your spouse or partner from someone you don’t know?

First don’t come to any conclusions.  You’ve just found something that has triggered emotions and right now you only have the context that YOU are making up.

You have no idea what the situation is so the first thing you should do is talk to your spouse or partner.  Find out what he’s thinking, what the message is all about, and what it means to him.

You also may want to come to terms with how you got the information.  Where you spying on him?  Did you already suspect him of something. You may have to answer to him.

Conversation is going to be the fastest way to diffuse any Facebook or social media related blunders.

It requires keeping cool and understanding the full situation.  Remember, you can only control YOU and how you’re acting in the situation.  When we get emotional we tend to let our brain fill in any blanks (Our brain already does that fine on its own, let alone in emotional situations.)

Either way, you can see how messages through Facebook or any other digital media can cause an impact on your relationship.  It’s important to keep the conversation open and understand the ground rules for each other.

Which brings me to a question that has come up recently…

Is sexting considered being unfaithful or grounds for divorce?

I guess that depends on your definition of ‘being unfaithful’.  It makes me think of the Clinton era… “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”

I know that walks the fence but some people are ok with a relationship that involves digital flirting, sexting, and online adult play.  While others would find even a digital relationship as adultery.

Sexting and engaging in digital relationships can get you in trouble if it’s secretive and hasn’t been discussed in your relationship.

Do I think it would be the only reason to cause a divorce?

Of course not.  But I do think it can be used as evidence.

Here’s an excerpt from an attorney:

Silvana D. Raso, a New Jersey divorce attorney, says that “most courts will recognize this as a form of being unfaithful through an outside romantic relationship, ” adding that, “most people do set forth why they are getting a divorce and can use this as the reason.”

Read more: Fox News

None of this is new.  It’s just taking a different media that allows for it to GO VIRAL.  Before the internet it was letters, phone calls, and visits.  It was harder to hide.

Now with the internet and all of these social sites, it’s easier than ever to meet people and later hide the romance.  If that’s your thing, great.  Make sure it’s part of the conversation in your relationship.

Otherwise you may be in for a rude awakening.

What does all this mean to you?

It means we’re friggin human.  It means our brains act the same for all of us.  We fill in blanks we don’t know.  And the blanks we fill in seem to come from our survival mechanism.  We want to be right, protect our emotions, and prevent a horrible outcome.

In the process, if we act on these survival emotions, we may cause more harm than good.

What you should be doing is having an open and truthful conversation with your husband, boyfriend, or partner.  You should be talking about all the things that you DON’T want to discuss.

Why?

If it makes your stomach turn because you don’t know how the conversation will go, then THAT IS the conversation to have.  It will allow both of you to get to the core of the issue, get each other’s take and come to an agreement.

Maybe Facebook’ing with people of the opposite sex is ok but not flirting.  Maybe flirting is ok but not sexting.

I don’t know because each situation is different for every person.  I don’t expect you to tell me what to do in my bedroom and I won’t tell you what to do in yours.

The one thing that should be consistent is the communication between you.  But only if you want your relationship to last.

I want to get the conversation going on this topic.

Have you had Facebook situations in your relationship?  Have you found your husband or boyfriend flirting or having a digital romance?  I’d love to hear the story.

Till next time, I look forward to hearing from you.

PS- I want to note that it doesn’t matter if you’re man or women, heterosexual, bi-sexual, or homosexual these things can happen to you.

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What Does It Take To Turn A Guy On?

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Turn Men OnNot much…

I’m going to give you a handful of straight answers.  I hope you take the hint.

Let’s get to core cookie here.  A WOMAN turns a guy on.  Women are beautiful beings and men tend to be visual creatures.  We like to look, as I’ve discussed in other posts: How To Impress A Man!

But there is so much more to really turning on a man. 

Oh and let me get this out right now.  This is my experience of what turns me on and other guys that I’ve had conversation with.  If you get offended by what I’m saying, think I’m stereotyping or get pissed at anything I write… don’t read it. 

Ok, let’s roll.

Guys are visual and we imagine a lot.  Our imaginations can be extremely powerful.  I’m not a scientist but I would venture to say that 90% of our sexual stimulation comes from our head through imagination.

Many men wouldn’t admit it… but give us a good smut novel and we’ll get rock solid in 10 minutes flat, given the right story.  Hit us with some Nora Roberts and you can forget it.

So what are things women can do to get men turned on?

Boob Swipe

This is when you glance your boobs across our arm, chest… shoot… any part of our body.  We know you’re there.  We feel it.  We like it.  And we want you to keep doing it.  It doesn’t take much to get us going.  It doesn’t have to be skin-to-skin either.  You could put four feet of cement between us and we’ll feel it.  It’s more mental than anything.  It revs up the imagination quicker than a virgin on prom night.

Straight Bend

This one is great.  You know you’re doing it.  It’s when you have those nice pants on and you bend over at the waste.  You give us the shot of a lifetime.  Forget bending at the knees… and we thank you for it.  It gives us just a glimpse of what you got.  Again, our imagination is running the show and more than likely you’re NEKKED (in our mind) when you perform this unbelievably sexy move.

The Elevator Mash

This is when we’re in the elevator and you decide to stand right in front of us.  There’s 15 people in there and you have no choice but to back that thing up.  You graze the member and guess what happens?  The mind starts racing and blood starts flowing.  The bell better ding quick or you’re going to feel a stack of quarters.  Sometimes the elevator mash happens accidentally.  It doesn’t matter, the “uh-oh” mechanism takes over.  This is where uncontrollable comes to play. 

Lighthouse Lanterns

You really want to get our attention, let you nipples get hard and show through your shirt.  Oh man!  Even if it’s a stranger, if the Lighthouse Lanterns show up, I’m looking at least for a minute.  When my wife walks in with hers on, HOOOOLLLLY  SMOOOOKES!  Look out it’s driving me bonkers.  I feel like that commercial… BACON.. BACON… BACON… I WANT BACON!

Sneak Peeks

I love the sneak peeks I get from my wife.  It sets the stage for what’s to come.  It’s a little tease before the action.  The calm before the storm.  These little peeks will cause our minds to race with visuals and fantasies in no time flat. 

Do you realize how hot you make us?

We’re so easy, aren’t we. 

Some of this list is what turns me on and friends I’ve spoken with.  Will this be the same for all men?  Of course not. 

Here’s the biggest thing that turns men on…

Conversation

Yes, a conversation is what it takes to turn us on.  At least it takes a conversation for you to find out what your man likes and doesn’t like.  It takes a conversation for you and him to explore each other in ways you never dreamed possible.  Open up the conversations of what you want, like, and fantasize about and you may end up in a hot sweaty mess.

I find many people don’t open up in the bedroom.  They hold back because they’re afraid of what their partner might think.  They don’t want to say what they truly would like to do.  Instead they hold it in and only fantasize.  Open your relationship up through communication, especially about sex, and you may find your relationship moves to a whole new level.

Don’t be afraid to say, “A little higher”, “A little lower”, “right there”.  “Harder”, “Faster”, “AughhhOhhhh!!!!”

We engage physically and rarely engage to the same level in conversation.  Start there and you will find your sex life and relationship, as a whole, will enhance.

Now that you have a few ideas about what turns men on, how about you leave me a note and tell me what turns you on.  Guys, be open, tell us what you think.  Ladies, give it to us straight.  Give us something to talk about openly.

I hope you have a hot sweaty night!

PS- I’ll be releasing a book soon.  You can look for it around the beginning of July or so.  I might get mauled because of the mancode secrets I’ll be releasing, but I’ll take my chances.  I’ll let you know when it hits the bookstore.

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How a Woman Should Treat Her Man

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While searching on-line I found a really great article. It was written by a woman and posted as Cyra_Ann’s Blog (see link below). Normally I tend to be very critical of women offering advice about men, but this one gets a lot of things right. Big props to her and I hope to see more from her soon.

Keeping in mind that I expected a “Train Wreck”, the blog was concise and to the point. No extra words in an attempt to look good and it covered some big points that I feel most couples should delve into. I intend to cover many of these in up coming posts, but for now, let’s cover two of the high spots.

Exploring the advice

The title is

“10 Ways How a Woman Should Treat Her Man…”

Right away I was interested. The title specifies the behavior of the woman and intimates a positive result from the man. I wanted to see this…

 

9. Try to never contradict or embarrass him in front of his friends, co-workers, or family. That can be very emasculating. Sometimes you might have to really bite your tongue, but you can talk to him later when you’re both alone and it’ll show that you respect him.

 

WOW! And thank you. I couldn’t believe a woman was suggesting this to other women. I have seen men completely embarrassed by a wife or girlfriend in this manner.  Generally, no one means for it to happen, but quick tongues in the presence of others can cause hurt feelings. With that said, guys are not off the hook by any means. Although I was pleased to see this mentioned as advice for women, men are also guilty. Rather than take sides, this is good advice no matter the gender. Being right isn’t as important as being supportive, kind and respectful to our significant others.

 

4. Listen first, and then talk. Let him finish what he has to say before you interrupt. Ask questions if you’re not sure about what he said.

Cyra_Ann’s Blog

 

Did I read this correctly? Did she really say this? So many of our relationship issues come from trying to make a point, rather than understanding one. And again, this goes for everyone. The interruption of conversation denies the actual conversation itself. Both parties are left wanting because nothing was actually discussed. Tempers flare or the conversation shuts down and rightfully so.
No one enjoys being lectured to, but meaningful, open conversation can lead to understanding and trust. Yes trust! In, an up coming post, we discuss this in greater detail, but just consider that trust is built on understanding a persons intentions. If we understand completely, we can choose to trust or distrust. Otherwise, we have to fill in the blank spaces to make a decision. But then, who do we understand? Not the one we intended to…

This is good information for everyone. I like this blog so much that I will continue its review over the next two weeks in order to cover each of the points in detail.

So, whether you like the post or not, please leave me a comment below. And if there is anything on your mind regarding how a man thinks about sex, love or relationships just ask and I or one of the staff will share our opinion.

Remember to keep the dialog going and if you don’t know…

ASK! ASK! ASK!

Until next week…

Love with no shame and ask with no fear.

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5 Ways To Get Your Ex Back

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get your ex backWe all have emotions and love will be the strongest passion of them all. Consequently, when love stops,  it may possibly seem fatal. But you’ll find techniques to win back lost love. This article will look at 5 strategies to pursue when you might be trying to acquire your lover back again.

Initially, you may need to be honest to your self and to each other. If there were underlying troubles in your relationship, it really is vital that you just address them. For instance, if housework was a large issue, you may need to address it before you’ll be able to get together again. In case you are messy and your ex was a neat freak, it can lead to a considerable amount of stress within the relationship. If 1 man or woman felt they were doing all the housework, it can trigger a strain. Finances are an additional area exactly where there could be strain. To win back lost love, you could address these areas before you get back together.

Next, you should be a dependable person. If the break up happened already, you’ll need to be dependable even through you are separated. If your ex asks you to be somewhere, get there early even though you no longer have a “responsibility”. For instance, if she’s moving, lend a helping hand and your truck or car. If he wants somebody to review his resume, do it for him.

Third, encourage your ex. One of the factors men and women miss when they break up could be the encouragement their partner gives them. So, to win lost love again, try to discover exactly where they’re discouraged and cheer them up. If they’re having a performance review at work, send an email timed just right to get them in a good mood prior to the meeting. If they’re singing a solo at church, show up to give them some moral support.

Fourth, listen to them when they call. Most people, after a break up, keep some level of communication. Usually, this degenerates into fights. But, in case you genuinely listen to the items your ex is telling you, you might be able to figure out a way to acquire respect and friendship into their lives. Encourage them to share their troubles with you. Really do not try to solve them. Just let them express their concerns with existence. Be a sounding board.

Fifth, do not sit around the sidelines. Existence is meant to be played on the playing field. You have to be the quaternary of your own life. Do not give up the relationship unless you’re ready to move on. These things aren’t going to get better on their own. You’ve got to go out and do something, no matter what.

In case you want to win love back, you’ve got to take this 5 part action guide to heart. You might have to become proactive.

The most significant thing is to genuinely care about your ex and to show him or her that you just do care. You shouldn’t be worried if they date other folks.  Set them free, and if you’re right for them, they will be back.

You need to know that it’s feasible to win back lost love. Now go out there and do it!

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