Tag Archive for power of choice

Vegetarians, Relationships and the Power of Choice

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 4.0/4 (1 vote cast)

I don’t know how many of our readers will truly get the point here, but I had to share it. I welcome comments and questions. I want you to have the same freedom I have discovered in my relationships. Being capable of choosing brings me a sense of comfort and ease that I have never before experienced. I hope that I haven’t missed the mark. Please let me know…

It has been said that the greatest gift we have as human beings is that of choice. I agree but what does that really mean?

Recently, I had a wonderful conversation with a close friend. I always enjoy her dialogue, she is insightful and challenges me to think. As a vegetarian, she makes a moral decision about what she will and will not eat. Further, she attempts to limit or remove any animal products from her life style. I commend her. Although I am not a vegetarian,  I often ask about new information regarding the diet.

During our latest discussion she suggested that eating anything was simply a moral decision. I was somewhat confused and asked for clarification. Her thoughts (correctly,I might add) were,  societies place morals on what is eaten and what is not. For instance, at one time cannibalism was practiced,  dog is consumed in several countries and horse meat is a staple in many different regions. Each area or society deems what they feel is a correct moral value on what is regularly eaten.

I was greatly intrigued by the thought of morality incorporated it deciding and choosing. But what I discovered surprised me.

The Morality of Being Moral

Doing the right thing is what it’s all about. But who gets to decide what’s right?

Dictionary. com defines morality as follows:

mo·ral·i·ty [muh-ral-i-tee, maw-]

noun, plural mo·ral·i·ties .

1. conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.

So if I get this right, morality is just conforming to the rules of being proper. And those rules are changes or modified based on who sets them. Okay, I get that. How can we be moral if the code for being so changes in every social circle? What is truly right and do I use my own morality in every choice or decision I make?

My head was spinning letting me know that this was a good question…

Deciding the Truth

Searching for an answer I began to review choices I had made. I thought about eating a dog, a horse or other items deemed to be unacceptable here in the United States. I considered that I made those choices freely but based on my own morality. Yes, I used my morals to guide me to an end conclusion many times. Each new consideration was one moral decision after another. What was right verses what was wrong. Deciding the best way to go about something without getting into trouble.

Was it possible that every decision I made was morally based? If so, how could there be any possibility of free choice? Another conversation with an RLA Advisor revealed the secret I was searching for.

Decision is the act of selection based on reason. In other words deciding what should or should not be done within ones personal moral beliefs. I had not been choosing, I had been deciding. And the difference was incredible. If we base our decisions on reasons, what happens if the reasons change?

Decision Verses Choice

The impact of what happened next was profound. I realized that I had not been choosing, I had been deciding. The difference is extreme. Choosing something or someone is a powerful thing. It is done because I say so and there is no reason to it. Choosing is a gift of the greatest magnitude and mistaking it can have a horrible consequences.

The best way to describe it would be with the thought that lingered in my mind. “I choose to go to work every day” It seemed to make sense to me until I said it again, “I choose to go to work every day for my family” It still felt good to say it but the difference was, I was deciding based on a set of circumstances. I was not choosing! What scared the hell out of me was, what if I no longer enjoyed my job? Would I resent the job or would I resent my family? And there it was, basing anything on the set of reasons was not a choice it was a decision. If the morality of the decision changed, so be it, but there is no power.

Additionally, the reasons are limiting. If I loose my job, or get divorced what happens to the decision regarding my job. The mentality has to change because the reasons I implied have disappeared. I had to rethink the process and find empowerment within choice.

I do believe that the greatest gift we have as human beings is that of choice. But, I also feel that we overlook what it means to truly choose. If a reason is involved it is not a choice. Don’t be fooled by reasoning it out. Get past it and make the effort to choose and see what happens.

Consider what this will do for your relationship. I choose my girlfriend because I choose my girlfriend. There is no reason. The choice is mine and no one else’s. There is no reason or circumstances that force or guide me. I choose because I choose. If you wish you can do the same it creates a space for the choice and nothing else. What you choose will stand on it’s own and there will never be a reason governing the choice.

I honor my wife because I choose to honor my wife.

I honor my husband because I choose to honor my husband.

I love my children because I choose to love my children.

I go to work because I choose to go to work.

The power of choice is the greatest gift we have and yet understanding it can be incredibly difficult. So go out and choose, don’t decide, don’t reason, and don’t be moral. Just simply choose because it is what you want, nothing more. The freedom is unparallelled.

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 4.0/4 (1 vote cast)

We’re Not in Kansas Anymore….

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

The last several weekly articles have generated a debate that has fascinated me, the RLA staff and many readers. Here are the links to the two that started the conversation: Lights, Action, Drama!!!!!!!!!! and Attitude and Gratitude Check them out if you haven’t already.

The power of choice and the recognition of being in control of choosing has brought out stories that prove the point. At first it seemed odd that people around me made an argument of no possibility of choice and that we have no control over our emotions or how we react to situations. So, we here at RLA took a deeper dive and followed the rabbit down the hole. The first post addresses how we choose and the consequences of doing so. If we allow ourselves to be controlled by emotion, that too, is a choice.

The second post gave insight to the perspective in which we choose to live. I give several examples of how I and people around me make bold choices to do the right thing in the face of what could be considered “wrong”. The reality is that there is no “right’ or “wrong” but WE choose to make it into something that we can label and therefore be comfortable with. I like that we have a conversation going about our ability (or not) to choose how we act, react, and engage.

So, back to the stories… Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting a woman named Savannah, who was gracious enough to discuss our web site and asked questions about what we do here at RLA. She was intrigued and shared many aspects of her life with me and my friends. She was open and direct and shared one story after another. Savannah had us all laughing about her family and their behavior.

During the discussion, the option of choice was brought up. We talked about how making choices and being in control brought a great position of power to any relationship. I offered that if we wanted the truth about any situation, our best bet was to ask a woman 70 years old or more. You see, my opinion is that there is no greater truth than that from an old woman. They have seen it all, lived it all and done it all. Furthermore, they have absolutely no reason to hold it back. They will fire the truth at you as if it were being shot out of a Remington model 1100, right between the eyes and with no regard to your feelings. You asked, they deliver. Old ladies are the Dominos pizza of truth, delivered right to your door, hot, fresh and under 30 minutes. “Does that dress make you look fat? Oh Honey! When you walked into to church this morning, I thought there was a college football game about to start. I mean, silver stripes just aint’ your thing Sweetie. Now, I don’t mean nothin’ by it, but if you want to keep that dress at least get some advertising for the back side.” And there you have it the double report from the model 1100 fired at point blank. I LOVE OLD WOMEN! They choose to live by their own rules.

And Savannah, once again, had a story. She has an aunt who, at the time, was 92 years old. And Aunt Janie liked to have things here way. She made no bones about it, she liked things to be a certain way based on her proper upbringing in the state of Georgia. You see, Aunt Janie had lived during a time when manners were taught and observed by everyone in the community and she was not about to let go of what she viewed as proper. In addition, Aunt Janie knew this was her choice. Her choice came with consequences but that was also fine by her. As Savannah explained, Aunt Janie was the kindest person you could meet. She loved company and was a gracious southern cook. Aunt Janie was as happy to have visitors at any time as most single older women are. But there was one thing she would not compromise. Aunt Janie was raised in a time when a visitor “called” before they arrived. As was the custom in her younger days, it was proper to schedule a visit, especially to the home of a single woman. And now was no different.

Savannah said that even though the family all knew of this “rule” some of them tried to visit unannounced. The results were less than spectacular. Every unannounced visitor found Aunt Janie sound asleep on the sofa facing the TV. And no matter how hard or often they knocked, no one could wake Aunt Janie. When Savannah told Aunt Janie that she had missed several visitors due to her afternoon napping, she was stunned to find out that Aunt Janie had missedd nothing. Her 92 year old aunt was playing opossum! She explained that she knew of each and every person who came calling and she feigned sleep rather than answer the door to an unannounced caller. She was set in her ways and no one was going to alter the proper nature of her rules. Aunt Janie further explained that she increased the volume of the television, slumped down into a sleeping position and watched through half open eyes as the company banged on her front door. How cool is that? At 92 years old, Aunt Janie was still saying, “Do it my way, or bite my A$$!”

In this case Aunt Janie made a choice, it had consequences and she lived by her rules. Love it or hate it she chose to conduct herself as she saw fit and I feel like that alone is enough to offer some respect.

So, this will wrap up my rant on choice unless there is more out there to discuss. The conversation has been stimulating and thank you to all of those who have shared in the dialogue. Keep choosing and offer the same to those in your life. You be surprised as to the results.

As always,
Love with no shame and ask with no fear.
Bobby

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)