Tag Archive for love relationships

Attitude and Gratitude

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Last week I wrote about our ability to choose how we approach life and the problems it throws our way. In the event you haven’t read it, here is the link, Lights, Action, Drama!!!!!!!!!!! . Many readers did not agree with my assessment and challenged the idea of being able to make such choices. I was told that it is not always possible to view a situation and choose how to respond. A family member actually claimed it was not possible based on how the issue was presented and our past experiences. Their point was that we don’t have control with regard to how we approach and respond to crisis and everyday problems. The belief here is that it just is what it is and getting upset is a natural and uncontrollable part of the process.

I have to call “Bullshit!” here folks. If we feel that there is no ability to control and modify our responses based on how we feel and what our past experiences are, well just shoot me now and dump me into a pine box. Life has no chance to improve over where we stand today. Why should we try to improve anything? Are you kidding me! What a crock of crap! This view point simply tells me that these folks have no interest in changing for the better and we should all accept them for the emotional messes they are.

It’s fine with me if people don’t want to look into themselves and gain control and understanding about how they interact with those in their life, but don’t tell me it’s not possible. It can be difficult, it can be overwhelming, and it can be tedious, but it certainly is not impossible. So, if you don’t want to look inside and create a space for others to join in conversation about interesting and profound topics, fine! Just gain the understanding that YOU don’t want to bring your best to the dialogue. Let the rest of us open up and see what we can achieve via the approach and context.

Proof in the Pudding

All around me I see examples of people who choose to make the difference by selecting a path that allows them to remove preconception and barriers. I find it interesting for people with absolute reasons to complain and nothing to complain about. In fact, many times these same people not only are complaint free, they bring with them a joy that appears to be boundless.

For instance, a friend of mind named Wendy has a non-curable spinal condition. When I first met her, I was in love with her vibrant personality, out-going, good nature and her sense of humor. I truly look forward to each time I get to see her. She is never boring and always a great conversationalist. Her stories captivate me. She keeps me laughing from the time we meet until we depart. She smiles and the world smiles back. In my mind, it is impossible not to be attracted to such a beautiful spirit.

But look at it from another perspective. One day I thought to myself, this woman who delights everyone around her, has every reason to be angry and bitter. She could be mean to everyone she meets and we would allow her to do so because of her condition. People could easily agree that having such a physical burden rightfully allows her to have anger and distain. But here she is without a complaint and draws love to her like a moth to a flame. Her life force is bright enough to light a city block. I realized this is the choice she makes for herself and those around her. She can get away with the other behavior, but she chooses not.

Despite her physical limitations, my friend Wendy moves through life with all the grace and dignity anyone could ever ask for and she inspires me to be a better person. Wendy, if you’re reading this, YOU ROCK!

Another example is my partner here at RLA Advisors, Jay Simcic. At the time of this article we have been living through record setting high temperatures of more than 100 degrees. During this time, Jay lost his air conditioning for 8 days. With the Independence Day Holiday there was no means to get parts faster for the repairs and pending relief. Because of work and other responsibilities, Jay and his family were unable to leave the house for more comfortable surroundings. They were forced to endure the heat in a home without AC for each of the eight days. They had friends and family offer their homes, but again life did not allow for the relocation.

As the ordeal came to an end, Jay shared with me how grateful he was. I asked him to explain. He stated that he was grateful to have friends who were willing to offer their homes, He was grateful for neighbors who called to check in every day. He was grateful to have the money to pay for the repairs. His perspective was one I had not considered, but given all things he chose to take a positive view of the bounty he has been blessed with, rather than the misery he had endured. What a great choice! And imagine the impression this choice will have on his young daughter. The impact will be priceless.

And last, after a heated discussion with my girl friend, I was able to share a profound gratitude with her. As we settled into bed that night, I explained that I was grateful that we had such a discussion. She was puzzled, so I went on to say that I was grateful that we were working on our relationship and brave enough to have the talk. I was grateful that we were talking at all and face to face. When I served over seas in the military, I and many others were unable to have face-to-face conversations with their loved ones. I was grateful to have her, there with me in bed. I know people today who have lost their spouses, parents and children, who would give any price to have them back for one more conversation. Any conversation, an argument or otherwise. So in contrast, I am pleased to choose to be grateful.

You Make It Seem So Easy…

My friends often ask if it is as easy as my writing indicate. For this I apologize. To think that behavior modification is easy is understating it at best. However, this too is a choice. You see, I was quick to anger in my younger days and those choices many times lead to disaster. I found wasted effort in making poor relationship choices with those close friends and family who were simply caught in the cross fire of misguided emotions. Hurt feelings were more difficult to repair than to protect. Regaining my integrity after an emotional out burst was not always easy. So now I make different choices and so can you.

I love the feeling of appreciation when a good conversation takes the place of what could have been a bad one. I like getting the heart of the emotion rather than bearing the searing heat of it without real benefit. I love being able to finally HEAR those around me and I do it by choice. It is nothing simple or difficult it just is there for each of us to take advantage of. Choice is one of the greatest possibilities we have in life. So choose wisely my friends.

Is it easy? You choose…

 

As always,
Love with no shame and ask with no fear.
Bobby

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How a Woman Should Treat Her Man

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While searching on-line I found a really great article. It was written by a woman and posted as Cyra_Ann’s Blog (see link below). Normally I tend to be very critical of women offering advice about men, but this one gets a lot of things right. Big props to her and I hope to see more from her soon.

Keeping in mind that I expected a “Train Wreck”, the blog was concise and to the point. No extra words in an attempt to look good and it covered some big points that I feel most couples should delve into. I intend to cover many of these in up coming posts, but for now, let’s cover two of the high spots.

Exploring the advice

The title is

“10 Ways How a Woman Should Treat Her Man…”

Right away I was interested. The title specifies the behavior of the woman and intimates a positive result from the man. I wanted to see this…

 

9. Try to never contradict or embarrass him in front of his friends, co-workers, or family. That can be very emasculating. Sometimes you might have to really bite your tongue, but you can talk to him later when you’re both alone and it’ll show that you respect him.

 

WOW! And thank you. I couldn’t believe a woman was suggesting this to other women. I have seen men completely embarrassed by a wife or girlfriend in this manner.  Generally, no one means for it to happen, but quick tongues in the presence of others can cause hurt feelings. With that said, guys are not off the hook by any means. Although I was pleased to see this mentioned as advice for women, men are also guilty. Rather than take sides, this is good advice no matter the gender. Being right isn’t as important as being supportive, kind and respectful to our significant others.

 

4. Listen first, and then talk. Let him finish what he has to say before you interrupt. Ask questions if you’re not sure about what he said.

Cyra_Ann’s Blog

 

Did I read this correctly? Did she really say this? So many of our relationship issues come from trying to make a point, rather than understanding one. And again, this goes for everyone. The interruption of conversation denies the actual conversation itself. Both parties are left wanting because nothing was actually discussed. Tempers flare or the conversation shuts down and rightfully so.
No one enjoys being lectured to, but meaningful, open conversation can lead to understanding and trust. Yes trust! In, an up coming post, we discuss this in greater detail, but just consider that trust is built on understanding a persons intentions. If we understand completely, we can choose to trust or distrust. Otherwise, we have to fill in the blank spaces to make a decision. But then, who do we understand? Not the one we intended to…

This is good information for everyone. I like this blog so much that I will continue its review over the next two weeks in order to cover each of the points in detail.

So, whether you like the post or not, please leave me a comment below. And if there is anything on your mind regarding how a man thinks about sex, love or relationships just ask and I or one of the staff will share our opinion.

Remember to keep the dialog going and if you don’t know…

ASK! ASK! ASK!

Until next week…

Love with no shame and ask with no fear.

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How To Save A Marriage – 5 Things You Can Do Today

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The title prettly much sums this video up.  Here are 5 things you can do starting today to help save your marriage.

Enjoy!

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Love, Live And Learn From Your Breakups

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Falling in loveXSmallBreaking up is one of the unfortunate side effects of dating.

There is going to come a point in every one’s life when they get dumped, it’s natural. But the thing about this is that if you are not learning from these relationships no matter if they are short lived or long term you are never going to grow from them. That is of course if you are using them this way.

It’s amazing how many people rather just blame the other person with silly excuses rather then taking a look at themselves.

Here is the first important thing that you should know. It takes two people to cause a breakup, and if you are continuously blaming the other person you are going to continue having these problems. There needs to come a point in your life when you take a good hard look at yourself and evaluate your past relationships.

I truly believe that every experience that we have in life whether its good or bad doesn’t come without a lesson and if you continue on without making the changes that are necessary they will continue to happen until you do. How much of that is true I don’t know it’s not a fact just a simple opinion? But think about that for a moment, and can you see that in your life based on your experiences.

There’s not a single person on this earth that wants to admit that they have a problem. It could be a large as having trust issues to as simple as wanting too shower the person with love.

What was the issue in your relationships that constantly came up? This is something that you need to sit down and think about. It’s not going to be easy especially if you have recently separated with someone that you loved, but it’s the perfect way to help you through this time.

You can find a good amount of information online about how to improve yourself. Self-help books have become increasingly more popular over the years, and it may be directly related to the fact that you can secretly order them online without any of those embarrassing moments at a store. You can find books on confidence building, improving your self esteem, learning how to trust and much more. Determine what you need and begin making the necessary changes in your life. This is all going to take time, but it’s going to be worth it.

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