Tag Archive for intimacy

Get A Man To Do Whatever You Want

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Get What You WantWhen it comes to relationship advice you can get your fair share from anyone you ask.

Everybody has their own thoughts and opinions about what you should be doing.  Just like them.. here’s mine.

First thing to keep in mind is getting what you want, at it’s core, is a conversation.  It’s a conversation and compromise.  Let’s go through this.

What is it that YOU want?

The first thing I think you should do is articulate for yourself exactly what it is you want.  If you’re going to ask for something you need to be ready to answer questions, defend your position, and explain why you want.  You’ll also want to consider how much you’re willing to give up for it.

I know this could be anything and we’re talking in generalities so think of something right now that you want out of your relationship.  That way as we go through this you can move along the process.

If you know exactly what you want, what you’re willing to give up for it and what you’re NOT willing to give up for it, you’ll be as prepared as ever.  Remember, you’re the one who has to know your limits first.

This isn’t some hard core negotiation but it will require some compromise depending on how open or closed your man is to what you want.

This is a conversation about what YOU want that your man can help deliver on.  It’s about making you happy and what he has to do to make you happy.

Let’s look at an example.  It’s simple and for illustration purposes very surface level…

Let’s say I want to go out with friends on a guys night.  I could just tell my wife I’m going, not care what she says and leave anyway.  That’s won’t do any good for our relationship.

I could say hay, “I’m thinking of going on a guys night this Friday.  Do you have anything planned for the two of us or are you good if I go?”

That’s pretty simple.

Then of course there’s the other end of the spectrum… “Ummm, honey… I’d like to have a guys night, would you give me permission to go?”

Of course there will be trade-offs… what time will you be home, do we need a baby sitter, who are you going with, will you be drinking and will you have a designated driver… etc.

The point is that it’s a conversation.  There might be some trade-offs for each of you.  No matter what, you can set your boundaries and get what it is you want on your terms.

What is your plan of attack?

If this isn’t a negotiation, why do you need a plan of attack?  I want you to use some common sense about this.  You don’t want to catch me right as I’m coming home from work and I’m in a bad mood.  You don’t want to catch me after I’ve just had a conversation with my boss that didn’t go to well.

Not that any of that should influence what you get but why not at least set yourself up for success.  So the right time is just as critical as knowing what you want and how much you’re willing to give up to get it.

Catch your man at the wrong time and you could lessen your chances.

How can you approach him so that he gets something too?

The way to approach him is with your first four buttons open, lots of cleavage showing, and a come hither look on your face.

No, I’m just joking.

You want to approach him as honest and authentic as you can.  You want to be upfront and tell him “I want something and I would like to talk to you about it.  Is now good?”

That sets him up for the conversation.  It gives him a chance to say, now is perfect or let’s talk at a better time.  This is your relationship we’re talking about.  These are your wants and needs up against his wants and needs.  You want to do it when it works for both of you.

Listen, if what you want is something simple, like a piece of chocolate, go friggin’ get it.  That’s not what I’m talking about.  What I’m talking about are the things you want out of your relationship including stuff you like to do, fun, entertainment, and romance.  All of it should be involved in the conversation.

With that being said, I want to reiterate, this is a conversation.  I recommend you have these conversations regularly so that both of you know what each other wants and where you want to go with your lives together.

I can almost guarantee that if you don’t have conversations and keep an open, authentic line of communication going, your relationship will be doomed.  Remember, these strategies are good for both men and women.  It’s just dialogue.

Thoughts, ideas, comments, gripes?  Post them below in the comment section.

To a healthy relationship,

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Men And Women Read Minds Poorly

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Mind reading Nothing is ever the way it seems.

Our brains are amazing computers that keep us going.  It keeps us alive.  It protects us.  It gives us fight or flight.  It allows us to analyze information as we get it and make important decisions.

It also helps us read the minds of others.  It’s a useful tool because we can anticipate things in life.  We get a feeling when something is going to happen.  We react to things that we didn’t SEE.

But when it comes to emotional things like love, relationships, and sex it’s not so effective.

Our brains tend to make up things for what it doesn’t know or understand.  That’s to say that we make things up when we don’t have a clear picture.  And what’s neat is that we don’t know that we made it up.

For instance… A friend of mine had a intimate experience with a guy.  He was up front with her and said that he didn’t want a relationship.  But the rules of that game were not spelled out ahead of time.

So there was a lot of mind reading going on.  He makes her feel good and they end up being very intimate.  In the end she felt an emotional connection.  He likes her but not to have a long term relationship.  The intimate setting allowed her mind to believe that he wanted more to the relationship than he actually did.

Now she’s playing tricks on herself on whether he likes her the same.

Here’s what I have to say.  She has to take responsibility and note that she is in control of her feelings.  He did what he did and she made herself feel a certain way.

That will give her the power to make decisions about this man instead of reacting to a situation.

But that’s not all.  I suggest that the communication be much more clear about what each other wants. If he really only wants a physical relationship, he should state that clearly up front.  It should be arranged as such and if anything changes then that can be communicated.

She should ensure the communication is clear about what SHE wants and what she intends on getting.  When you communicate you’ll be able to see what is really there and work with what you really have.

Knowing this sometimes makes no difference. So…

How can you be proactive in the face of your brain that makes up what it wants?

What should happen is a two way communication that delivers the message intended and that represents what you both want out of the relationship.  It’s not fair to either of you if you hold anything back.

You see, if we don’t communicate our brains will fill in the blanks with whatever it wants.  You can’t know what another person is thinking unless you’re straight and ask them.  That’s why authentic communication is fundamental to every relationship.

It does take effort and sometimes you don’t want to say what you should say.  Our filters and mind reading capabilities go into overdrive.  We start to find evidence that supports our thoughts.  It’s crazy but true.

That’s why it’s extremely important to keep the communication lines open and honest.  Don’t hold anything back.

I would love to hear our thoughts on this subject so please leave a comment or any questions you may have below in the comments section.

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