I don’t know how many of our readers will truly get the point here, but I had to share it. I welcome comments and questions. I want you to have the same freedom I have discovered in my relationships. Being capable of choosing brings me a sense of comfort and ease that I have never before experienced. I hope that I haven’t missed the mark. Please let me know…
It has been said that the greatest gift we have as human beings is that of choice. I agree but what does that really mean?
Recently, I had a wonderful conversation with a close friend. I always enjoy her dialogue, she is insightful and challenges me to think. As a vegetarian, she makes a moral decision about what she will and will not eat. Further, she attempts to limit or remove any animal products from her life style. I commend her. Although I am not a vegetarian, I often ask about new information regarding the diet.
During our latest discussion she suggested that eating anything was simply a moral decision. I was somewhat confused and asked for clarification. Her thoughts (correctly,I might add) were, societies place morals on what is eaten and what is not. For instance, at one time cannibalism was practiced, dog is consumed in several countries and horse meat is a staple in many different regions. Each area or society deems what they feel is a correct moral value on what is regularly eaten.
I was greatly intrigued by the thought of morality incorporated it deciding and choosing. But what I discovered surprised me.
The Morality of Being Moral
Doing the right thing is what it’s all about. But who gets to decide what’s right?
Dictionary. com defines morality as follows:
mo·ral·i·ty [muh-ral-i-tee, maw-]
noun, plural mo·ral·i·ties .
1. conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.
So if I get this right, morality is just conforming to the rules of being proper. And those rules are changes or modified based on who sets them. Okay, I get that. How can we be moral if the code for being so changes in every social circle? What is truly right and do I use my own morality in every choice or decision I make?
My head was spinning letting me know that this was a good question…
Deciding the Truth
Searching for an answer I began to review choices I had made. I thought about eating a dog, a horse or other items deemed to be unacceptable here in the United States. I considered that I made those choices freely but based on my own morality. Yes, I used my morals to guide me to an end conclusion many times. Each new consideration was one moral decision after another. What was right verses what was wrong. Deciding the best way to go about something without getting into trouble.
Was it possible that every decision I made was morally based? If so, how could there be any possibility of free choice? Another conversation with an RLA Advisor revealed the secret I was searching for.
Decision is the act of selection based on reason. In other words deciding what should or should not be done within ones personal moral beliefs. I had not been choosing, I had been deciding. And the difference was incredible. If we base our decisions on reasons, what happens if the reasons change?
Decision Verses Choice
The impact of what happened next was profound. I realized that I had not been choosing, I had been deciding. The difference is extreme. Choosing something or someone is a powerful thing. It is done because I say so and there is no reason to it. Choosing is a gift of the greatest magnitude and mistaking it can have a horrible consequences.
The best way to describe it would be with the thought that lingered in my mind. “I choose to go to work every day” It seemed to make sense to me until I said it again, “I choose to go to work every day for my family” It still felt good to say it but the difference was, I was deciding based on a set of circumstances. I was not choosing! What scared the hell out of me was, what if I no longer enjoyed my job? Would I resent the job or would I resent my family? And there it was, basing anything on the set of reasons was not a choice it was a decision. If the morality of the decision changed, so be it, but there is no power.
Additionally, the reasons are limiting. If I loose my job, or get divorced what happens to the decision regarding my job. The mentality has to change because the reasons I implied have disappeared. I had to rethink the process and find empowerment within choice.
I do believe that the greatest gift we have as human beings is that of choice. But, I also feel that we overlook what it means to truly choose. If a reason is involved it is not a choice. Don’t be fooled by reasoning it out. Get past it and make the effort to choose and see what happens.
Consider what this will do for your relationship. I choose my girlfriend because I choose my girlfriend. There is no reason. The choice is mine and no one else’s. There is no reason or circumstances that force or guide me. I choose because I choose. If you wish you can do the same it creates a space for the choice and nothing else. What you choose will stand on it’s own and there will never be a reason governing the choice.
I honor my wife because I choose to honor my wife.
I honor my husband because I choose to honor my husband.
I love my children because I choose to love my children.
I go to work because I choose to go to work.
The power of choice is the greatest gift we have and yet understanding it can be incredibly difficult. So go out and choose, don’t decide, don’t reason, and don’t be moral. Just simply choose because it is what you want, nothing more. The freedom is unparallelled.
Love with no shame and ask with no fear