Tag Archive for how to save a marriage

How To Save Your Marriage-Advice From A Fisherman

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save your marriage

The following story was told to me by one of the coaches I had in the past.  It came from an interview done with an out of the ordinary fisherman who had great success.

It stuck with me over the years.

It’s profound advice that you can use to improve your relationship, enhance your sex life, or even save your marriage.  You might be skeptical but just believe me long enough to read this story.

Here’s the story…

Captain John Rade, was a legendary fisherman in the New York area.  He was known for out fishing every fisherman in his community.

He is a commercial fisherman.  Which means he can sell his fish when he gets back to shore.  While other commercial fisherman use big nets to bring in their daily catches, Captain John uses nothing but old faithful rod and reel.

He doesn’t use the tools the other fisherman use.  No nets… no giant trolling mechanisms… no large crews of fisherman to help him.

He just goes out in his small boat with his rod and reel and out catches every other fisherman by many multiples of fish.

On any given day, fishing on the same body of water, Captain John would routinely pull in more striped bass than ten of his commercial fishing competitors combined.

How does he do this so consistently.

When he was asked by a local news reporter, he said something so simple but profound.

John said, “When most fisherman go out on the water they think like a fisherman.  When I go out I think like a fish.”

You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with saving your marriage or your relationship.

The truth is, it has everything to do with it.

Instead of thinking about how you’re going to get what you want, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about what they want.

Ask your self these types of questions…

  • How does my partner see me when I act this way?
  • What is my partner thinking when I say what I say?
  • What kind of emotions is my partner feeling in this situation?
  • What would I do in this situation if my partner said or did those things to me?

If you start putting yourself in their shoes you may begin to get a different perspective of how you can approach your relationship.

For instance…

If your husband comes home late from work and you begin accusing him of cheating on you, what do you think he’s thinking in that moment if your accusations are false?

What do you think it would do to the trust between the two of you if you begin talking down about his friends or family?

What do you think he’s feeling if you yell at him for not taking out the trash when you never gave him a timeline to work from?

Do you think it improves your relationship or hurts your relationship if you withhold sex because you’re secretly mad at him and want to punish him?

These may fit, maybe they don’t… either way you have things that go on in your household that if you were to take an introspective look from your partner’s point of view may change everything.

Most people rarely stop to think about the impact they have on other people.  Even the small stuff that you think is insignificant can be devastating if you aren’t communicating effectively.

That’s why it’s so important to think like a fish, so to speak.  One of the fastest ways to do that is to have regular, honest, conversations with your partner about the important things.  Don’t hold anything back from each other.  Don’t judge either.  Listen, put yourself in their shoes, and look for new ways you can be with each other.

It will make all the difference in the world.

Now I invite you to accelerate the success of your relationship, visit Amazon.com and grab a copy of our new book Mancode Secrets Revealed.  It’s a great read that will open your eyes to a man’s perspective.  Read this book and you will begin thinking like a fish and not a fisherman.

Get it here:  http://www.amazon.com/Mancode-Secrets-Revealed-Relationship-ebook/dp/B008VWYR08/

Also, there is a wonderful bonus at the end of the book that will open up both you and your partner’s minds around sex.  After this you might have the best sex of your life.  Go get it and leave a comment on Amazon to tell us what you think.

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

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Are Men Intelligent?

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Who Are Men?

           The question has been asked for as many years as there have been men and women coexisting. We are driven to figure things out, find the meaning or just place meaning on things. This includes actions and behaviors. The funny part is that many times we, as men, don’t mean anything by what we do.

 Really?

            Then why do women get so upset by our lack of consideration for them or our poor behavior and habits? The easy answer is women don’t understand us. More to the point, women expect better from their man. Another reason, women tend to interpret our actions and behaviors into something other than we intend them. The women I speak to about this subject gravitate to a place where in they want men to behave like women. Not really like a woman, but think and care the way a woman does. See the problem?

            So, who are men? When is comes to relationships, we are providers, builders and breeders. Very basic, very easy and very clear, we are simple and don’t try to make us complicated. We hate that! When a woman tells a man that he is thinking complicated thoughts about the relationship, STOP!!!!!!!!!!! WE ARE NOT! Don’t make it into something that it’s not. We want to provide for our families, we want to build for them (house, education, transportation, recreation) and we want sex. It really is that simple. We can have big dreams and desires but basically we do what we do for these simple reasons.

 What We Do…

            Men tend to have a lack of focus on day to day things within a household the way women do. It doesn’t make us bad, it’s just is how we are. We don’t start the day off thinking about how we are going to piss off our women, but many times it seems that way. Take for instance, a man returns from a day at work, he walks into the house with dirt on his shoes and dirties up the freshly cleaned floors. None of us want for this type of situation to occur, but it happens and we, as men, know we do such things. It doesn’t mean we intended to do it, it doesn’t mean we love our women any less, it doesn’t mean we don’t value a clean home, It just means we didn’t think about it before we did it. And, getting upset about it won’t make it better for us or you.

            I get feedback from many women complaining that their men don’t tell them that they love them. Through follow up conversation it becomes clear the men actually do say “I love you”, but women want it in a manner consistent with their emotions. They want passion and romance brought into the phrase rather than a statement of ones dedication to the other. As men, when we say “I love you”, we mean it. It is the expectation of how the message is delivered that becomes the problem.

 What is Interpreted…

             Women have most of the power in any healthy relationship with a man. If you believe, as I do, that men are driven by the desire to provide, build and breed, then as women, you can guide and coach the entire relationship. But, if you choose to get angry when we do something the way us men do, well, then you give up your power and allow the relationship to be driven by our lack of understanding and we get hurt, disappointed and retreat into our shell.

             When we dirty the floor unknowingly, you can choose to yell or, you can calmly point it out and ask us to correct the problem. And guess what the better outcome will be. When he says “I love you”, you get to choose to accept it or argue the point. Consider we are simple creatures and telling us we are wrong will only reduce the effort we put forth. A more pleasurable conversation might be to thank him for the thought and suggest if he were to improve the manner in which he extolled his affections, perhaps he would be rewarded. In any case, women have the power in the relationship. Choose to coach or choose to give up the power by being angry. It is not the easiest habit to form and it takes practice, but the rewards are worth the effort.

             I personally have been told that I did not load the dishwasher correctly and that rinsing the dishes before putting them into the machine was not necessary. This went on for years; it caused actual fights between us. Do you think I wanted to continue to clean and load the dishwasher? Hell NO! And all I really wanted was a thank you. I eventually quit doing anything with the dishes and yet the power was all hers. She chose and was rewarded.

             So understand that we have very limited ideas and thoughts about our relationship with you ladies. We love you and want to do what’s right. By guiding us through our mistakes and coaching us with regard to our short comings, you maintain power and get far better results. Remember that we are simple in this aspect of life. Don’t make us into something that we aren’t and don’t view our errors as a personal affront to you. We mean you no offense and are very willing to be trained under the right circumstances and reward system.

 Give it a try and let me know what you experience. If it’s not working perfectly right now, what do you have to loose?

 And, as always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear.

 Bobby

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Save This Marriage Using 4 Simple Strategies

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Save This Marriage Using 4 Simple Strategies

While saving a marriage may not be impossible, it is really hard to do it by yourself. When your spouse has one foot out the door, it may seem like any chance of rescuing your relationship is over. If you just maintain a cool head, you will give yourself a chance to find some options to offer your spouse for rethinking their position. By using these strategies, you may be able to bring your spouse around to your way of thinking, and that may be all it takes to redirect your energy as a couple in a positive direction.

The Elements Needed to Save a Marriage

Act As If – Many studies have been conducted which show that how we act actually dictates how we feel. If you feel sad, and you make yourself take a posture of being happy, you will begin to actually feel happy. So if you act like you are a happy couple, you will begin to feel like a happy couple. That does not mean that all of your problems will simply melt away, but it does mean that you are stacking the deck in your favor to help you both remember why you fell in love in the first place. Being happy causes you to remember the good times, and that continues the blissful cycle.

Be Patient – You may want your spouse to behave differently or join you in counseling. If they are not ready to try these things just yet, do not hound them. Begging and threatening are much more apt to cause additional problems rather than fix anything. Ask gently, and ask often. Try not to judge your spouse because they do not move at the same pace that you do. They are processing the problems that you are having as a couple, and maybe what they need for a fix is not what you need for a fix. If you are both genuinely trying to save your marriage, then give them the space to come to their own decisions. Respect their boundaries and keep offering them the opportunity to try new things or to join you in counseling.

Deal with the Issues – If your spouse was at the brink of leaving, then your marriage has problems. So just because he is staying, do not pretend that the problems do not exist. If you do, you will simply be watching them leave another day. Take this opportunity to find out where the problems are in your relationship and fix them. There are a myriad of problems that drive people apart, but if you both genuinely want to work out whatever the problem for your relationship is, you will find a way. If you find that you are stuck, then enlist the help of a counselor. Otherwise, listen to each other, and if you put each other’s needs in front of your own, you may naturally find your fix.

Maintenance – Just because you are having problems in your marriage does not mean that the world stops. You still have a family to care for, work to attend to and other obligations that are outstanding. So it is really to get beaten down when you are dealing with marital problems. Make sure that you look after yourself, so that you have the mental acuity and energy to deal with everything on your plate. You need to eat, sleep and exercise so that you are healthy and can relieve any built up stress. By taking care of your needs, you will be able to solve your problems more effectively as well.

Once your spouse has thrown in the towel on your marriage, it can be difficult to turn things around, but it is possible to do. Try to stay positive and calm, and let your spouse know that you want to try to repair your relationship. By offering some room for your spouse to express their frustrations, it is possible to save a marriage. You may need to enlist the help of a professional, or you my find your way back to happiness on your own. The important thing is that you try.

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