Tag Archive for how to keep a man

Communication Confessions Of A Geek

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GeekI was reading a book the other day to improve my understanding of people in business and politics and how the world works in reality.  Yes, I  know that’s kind of geeky but I love that stuff.  But what became clear very quickly was how it crossed over into the realm of relationships.

And that’s where I asked myself, why do we misunderstand each other and act weird when we do?  I don’t mince words.  I typically say exactly what I mean but why did my wife misunderstand me and then we both act weird.  Or why does your husband misunderstand you.

I think you’ll enjoy the excerpt form Frank I. Luntz book “Words That Work:  It’s Not What You Say That Matters, It’s What People Hear” that I picked out for you.  It delivers a powerful message.  Again, this is from a book that is not about relationships but if you read this passage with your relationship mind you’ll quickly discover what I’m talking about and why it is effective.

It’s not what you say, it’s what people hear.   You can have the best message in the world, but the person on the receiving end will always understand it through the prism of his or her own emotions, preconceptions, prejudices, and preexisting beliefs. It’s not enough to be correct or reasonable or even brilliant. The key to successful communication is to take the imaginative leap of stuffing yourself right into your listener’s shoes to know what they are thinking and feeling in the deepest recesses of their mind and heart. How that person perceives what you say is even more real, at least in a practical sense, than how you perceive yourself.

When someone asks me to illustrate the concept of “words that work,” I tell them to read Orwell’s 1984—and then see the movie. In particular, I refer them to the book passage that describes Room 101—or as Orwell basically describes it, the place where everyone’s personal, individual nightmares come true. If your greatest fear is snakes, you open the door to a room full of snakes. If your fear is drowning, your Room 101 fills to the brim with water. To me, this is the most frightening, horrific, imaginative concept ever put on paper, simply because it encourages you to imagine your own Room 101. Words that work, whether fiction or reality, not only explain but also motivate. They cause you to think as well as act. They trigger emotion as well as understanding.

Luntz, Frank I. (2007-01-02). Words That Work: It’s Not What You Say that Matters, It’s What People Hear (Kindle Locations 124-135). Hyperion. Kindle Edition.

Do you get that?  It’s not about what you said or how you said it.  It’s about how he filtered what you said and how you sounded to him.  Once you get that one concept… all by itself… it has the ability to transform your relationship to a new level of understanding and connection.  Understand this concept and you’ll begin to gain a level of relatedness with your partner you’ve probably never had before.

But the question becomes…

How can you know how he hears you?

The first thing that comes to mind is to ask him.

If you say something and he misunderstands you, instead of scolding him or getting upset and shutting down, ask him to feed back to you what he heard and what it meant to him.  Do that and you can begin to get on the same footing and level the playing field.  Now you can begin to understand each other more clearly.  Doing this is like wiping a dirty window with some window cleaner.

But here’s the truth about it.   This is just one aspect that you’ll break through.  Consider that we all have hundreds, possibly thousands, of filters that we hear, see, taste, and smell through.  Obviously we don’t have to break down every single filter.  But by understanding that there is more than one you can begin to take on your relationships at an intimate level as well as at work in a different way.

It definitely gives you a new way of viewing things.

What can you do now that you know this?

Now that you know all this you can begin to see the depth and complexity of your man.  Sometimes he may open up to you.  Sometimes he won’t.  I urge you to talk to him as often as possible.  Understand him as much as you can.  If he won’t open up on a particular topic consider talking to another man.  It’s not the perfect solution but it will help.

And if you want to get a quick overview of what your man thinks, I ask that you visit Amazon.com and pick up a copy this amazing book called A$$holes to Zipper Heads:  A to Z Guide For Choosing A Man, it will give you an eye opening look at your own filters and how they have caused you to choose the man you have now and in the past.  The insight will be tremendous and it already has 3 Five Star reviews.

I hope this article has been helpful.  Until next time…

Love… to infinity and beyond.

 

Jay

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How To Impress A Man – The Right Way!

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How To Impress A Man

Ok ladies… don’t get your panties in a knot after I say this but I’ve just got to set the record straight on how to impress a man.

At least from my view.

You’re about to get a man’s view on what it takes to impress a man.  It’s important you check this out because it may mean the difference between a blow your mind kind of night with great response from your dude or a fall flat on your face and you get upset because you think he is ungrateful kind of night.

You get to choose.

So, I happen to be checking out Cosmopolitan’s website because they have a section on “9 Ways To Impress Your Man”.

I went through their list.  Holy smokes… Are you friggin’ kidding me.  Those are ok but nothing to be impressed with.

Here’s the list if you’re interested.

  • Fix Him Dinner in Your Sexiest Bottoms
  • Draw Him a Steamy Bath
  • Say “Thanks”
  • Initiate a Surprise Smooch
  • Pack His Lunch
  • Stock His Kitchen
  • Give Him Man-Time
  • Make a Spotify Playlist
  • Plan a Cool Outing

Source:  Cosmopolitan.com

Ok, about the only one that would be “impressive” would be to “plan a cool outing “or “fix him dinner in your sexiest bottoms”.

Impress Your Dude

If you want to impress a dude you should consider doing things that would blow HIS mind.  Things that you normally wouldn’t do or more specifically something he doesn’t THINK you would normally do that HE wants.

What does that mean?

How about my list of ways to impress a man (Ok, this would be cool for me but you get the drift):

  • Walk around the house in your sexy underwear.
  • Watch porn together.
  • Initiate sex
  • Perform a sex act you don’t normally do but you know he would like. (Use your imagination for goodness sake.)
  • Take the sex into the garage, in public, on the back porch or anywhere you might get caught.
  • Take him to a ‘special place’ (that you know he likes) and treat him to the best night of his life.
  • Take him to a restaurant he likes to eat, even if it’s a place like Hooters.

Those are some of the ways I would suggest impressing your man.

Each of these are going to be different for each guy.  But whatever you do, don’t ask other women or take everything as gospel from a magazine.

You could ask his friend, ask another guy what they like or better yet, actually start a conversation with YOUR man and ask him the things he would love to do or see that would make a difference for him.

I know… You’re probably saying, “Jay… Really, ask him.  I can’t do that.”

Ask Him What He Wants!

Yeah, actually you can.  And I bet you get way better results than trying to figure it out on your own.

Imagine what would happen if he gets home from work.  He walks through the door and he sees you in your skimpiest, sexiest undies you own.  But not only that, stuffed in the front of your panties are two tickets to the local college football game.

I bet his face would be beaming with excitement and gratitude.  But wait there’s more… you walk up to him and let him know that went to the adult store on your way home and picked up a fantastic movie for the two of you.

Now we’re getting somewhere.  Remember, most guys are visual creatures with a primal instinct inside them that involves sex.  High heels and sexy underwear… mmmm mmmm anyday baby.

Big Smiles!

The bottom line, go ask your man what he wants.  Don’t rely on others.  Besides that, you may find him to be more inclined to please you more often.  After all, we do love to please our partners.

Leave a comment below and tell me what you enjoy most.  Otherwise, leave a question that’s eating away at your mind that you would always love to ask a guy.

Go ahead, do it now.

And then go do something with your man.

 

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