Enhancement

Holiday Advice

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Listen First

With the holidays upon us there are going to more people in our lives who we may have not seen much during the last year. This can be problematic because we don’t have an ongoing dialogue with them. Instead we are expected to jump right in as if there has been a solid amount of interactions from the last time we met each other. Not a chance. So take some time to get reacquainted and talk to each other without any expectations. Here is a recap of some older articles designed to give you a better holiday experience…

Talking is the beginning of sharing our thoughts and ideas. But without a willing partner you will get nowhere. If you’re doing it by yourself, the results can sometimes be less than spectacular. So when talking to each other, make certain that you have an active partner.

With that said, it is equally important that you be a good listener and not just hear the spoken words. Listening can be a great way to pick up on subtle things that are conveyed through voice inflection and body language. In a relationship discussion what is not said can be more important than what is said. Keep focused on the person you are having a conversation with, and show some interest.

Why Is This Important?

Regardless of the situation, by listening first you put yourself in a very powerful position. As the listener you will get all of the information being offered. It gives you the ability to think about the message and create a reasonable, informed answer. This will help in advancing the conversation and give you the opportunity to learn about them. You may be surprised by what is actually conveyed.

What is the Benefit?

In relationships we are emotionally invested. Our feelings are exposed for anyone to nurture or damage. And this leaves us feeling vulnerable to the next attack. In reality it is each of us who has the opportunity to choose to listen and engage in the conversation. There is nothing to fear when we are listening, because all of the information is coming to us. We are not hurting each other, merely listening to what is being imparted.

Engage by asking probing questions;

  • Does that interest you?
  • How do you feel about that?
  • Is there more there that we should discuss?
  • Tell me more…
  • What can I do in that regard?

Any additional question or comment to keep the dialog moving can only help. Try not to use the word “No” until you’ve listened to everything said. He or she may be nervous and not get the words right at first. Give them room to expand and listen while they relax and get comfortable with the exchange.

I suggest never getting angry during times of conversation especially during the holiday season.  By remaining calm we have a better chance of getting our thoughts out clearly. And as the listener, anger dulls the senses and makes really understanding much more difficult.

With anything, this takes practice and it takes two people. If one is angry, neither is ready for a conversation. If one is distracted neither can communicate. And if one is incapable, neither have a chance to properly share.

So, give it a try and let me know what comes of it. You may get a surprise, you may find something you didn’t know or you may just connect better than ever before. In any case, let me know how it goes. Your story may be what helps the next reader have a holiday to remember.

As always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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A Few Ideas to Ponder…

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644720_291103937657750_584840658_nI have discovered a new page on Facebook and wanted to share it with all of you. I like anything that causes me to think or re-think about my relationships. This page is called Liberation Through Tempted Desires and it has caused some interesting conversation within my home. It is fairly new and run by five open minded people, if I get my count correct. These folks are not afraid to discuss sex, love and relationships nor the dirty details therein. the contents are suggested fro adults only and I agree, but that’s who we are, enjoy if you dare. All of the photos in my blog today are from the site. Take a look at a few and share the ideas with your loved ones and see where it goes…

But I warn you, if your not ready to be open mined and discuss your relationship, just stop reading now and go back to what you were doing…

 

Here is one that just jumped out to me and my girlfriend. Most of us have some issue in our lives or relationship that keeps reoccurring. No matter what we do to 66225_293365187431625_1479554750_ncorrect or modify the problem it keeps coming back over and again. Why is that? The reason for it is that we keep focusing on it. Be cause we desperately what it to go away and yet we keep looking for it to come back. We become hyper sensitive to the issue and not to the person we love. Accept the person for who they are and then read this again…

544698_292494140852063_667071720_nAgain, this one should generate a significant amount of dialogue between lovers. Choosing anything or anyone and choosing powerfully has wonderful implications. Do you remember this feeling inside you when you first met? Is it still there? Why or why not? Consider talking about it and getting back to choosing to consume each other. Talk about the heat of sex, the dirty feeling fro each other, the depth of your love. What ever it takes to get you to the point of consumption!

Last, I leave you with this photo…46266_291797267588417_2007845281_n It is so true that the world is not going to stop because we want to carry a chip on our shoulder. The world moves on with or without us. We can’t choose to stop it, we can only choose to make it as great as possible for us and those around us. What do you choose? Love is a great place to start, from there a lot of really cool things can happen. Choosing to love and choosing it powerfully means that you have taken control of life and are going to enjoy the ride. Get involved and control you destiny. Take control and quit bitching. Check out this Facebook page and start a conversation. Get filthy dirty with the ones you love.

Let me know how things go and what shows up in the following conversations.

I can’t wait to hear from you.

 

Until next time…

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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The Power of Voting

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Today the people of the United States will decide on a president for the next four years. They could choose to re-elect President Barack Obama, or make a change by electing Governor Mitt Romney. In either case, people fight for the chance to vote in a presidential election. Many say it is our constitutional right to vote, however there is no such mention in the US constitution. My point is that free people all over the world fight for the ability to choose their leaders.

Wars have been started in order to secure free elections and voting. During the first free elections Iraq and Afghanistan, people waiting in lines to vote were shoot and killed but the citizens continued, undaunted to file into voting precincts. The phenomenon is incredible. I commend any and all who take the opportunity to vote. More importantly, I commend and thank those who risk life and limb to defend our ability to do so.

As free people, our most precious human characteristic is our power to choose. And yet, at times, I want to scream for people to exercise that ability. I ask, if we are willing to fight to take part in a presidential election, why are we not willing to make better choices in our relationships? Better yet, why do so many people make no choice at all? Just like in an election, we have choices every day with regard to our relationships and behaviors. We choose to engage positively or negatively. We can show compassion or disregard another's feelings. In any case it all comes down to choice.

If we fight for an election why not fight for the other? Don't get me wrong, I understand the gravity of electing a US president, but I'm asking why we take little or no interest in choosing to have better and more fulfilling relationships? We have the ability but giving up the power to choose the proper path can have horrible results. And making a positive choice takes far less time than becoming educated about the candidates and then waiting in line to vote.

I can only suppose the reason we don't invest ourselves in willingly making powerful relationship choices is that we either don't care or we don't know the signs of when we need to stop, think and choose. Not knowing is a common problem. Many readers say they don't have control over certain aspects of their lives. I offer that they do, but don't see the issues plainly, without emotion. not having the proper view can prevent the necessary actions for relationship success.

In our up coming book titled The Meaning Making Machine we cover this and more. This book is another useful tool to assist you and your loved ones with finding relationship happiness. The book will be released on Kindle through Amazon.com and I highly recommend it for you and those you care about. It will provide the ground work for your relationships to find common ground in order stop, thin and choose the correct path fro positive growth. Look for it soon both here on our site and at Amazon.com. Choose a better way and find happiness while in the process. Vote for the benefit of your relationship…

Now get out and vote. Until next time…

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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Staying in the Conversation

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Here at RLA Advisors we constantly promote the need to openly discuss any and all issues as they arise. We ask that you jump into the mud of dialogue and get filthy dirty in the details. It can be messy and for that reason many people avoid continuing dialogue. A danger here is to think that one conversation has ended all issues and we can move on without follow up. On occasion this is possible, but if the reason for the discord is rather deeply seeded in our minds, then the continuation of conversation is very necessary.

Fixing one problem in a relationship is fulfilling and can set you on a track to happiness, but what happens if that fix was only a small bandage on a bigger problem? The issue will reoccur and that reoccurrence can lead to frustration.

Why doesn’t he understand? We just talked about this last month…

Why is she bringing this up again? didn’t we just cover this?

Intellectually we think that something has gone wrong with the original discussion and having another will not solve anything. We become resigned to having less than we desire with regard to our relationships. We find ourselves thinking, “It will always be this way”.

Actually it is the continuation of the conversation that smooth’s out the rough patches and repairs the relationship roads we travel. Consider the problem a pot-hole in the road we are on. If we keep going around the pot-hole and ignore repairing it, it will always be there and possibly increase in size. Openly talking about what the problem is will tend to fill the pot-hole little by little. After many conversations and choosing to understand, we have the ability to get this particular issue resolved and the road to happiness is a little less bumpy.

Keep Talking

Remaining in the conversation keeps all parties present to what happens to be there. Being aware helps the repair and allows everyone to stay on the same page with regard to the specific issue.

If two people talk about a vision for their relationship and allow years to pass before restoring the discussion, what possible roads have each of them taken without the other? Could it be that one went left and the other went right? One went around and the other went over? Could they have gone in complete different directions? We will never know without conversation…

Hang in There…

Our first book was released several months ago and it is designed to provide women insight into a man’s world. The book is titled Mancode Secrets Revealed – Relationship Advice For Women here is the link to purchase it on Amazon.com Mancode Secrets Revealed. Our second book is a guide for women to find a great partner and avoid the pitfalls of problematic men. This book is titled @$$holes to Zipper Heads – A to Z Guide For Finding A Man. Here again is the link to purchase it on Amazon.com @$$holes to Zipperheads. Both books have seen great success and have strong reviews. I highly recommend them for assistance with staying in the conversation.

Additionally, our latest book will be released in the next few weeks, titled The Meaning Making Machine. This book too is designed to provide insight into how we view ourselves and others with tools to assist in having and maintaining the conversation. Afterward, we will begin production of a fourth in this series to be released early in 2013. All of these are designed to help lead you to relationship success.

If your are a reader of our blog, then I assert you want to have success in your relationships. I suggest you buy the current books and the follow ups soon to be released. And let us know how it goes. Your success can be the one piece missing in another reader’s life. Share freely and allow others to benefit from your triumph!

Until next time…

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

PS We are also in the process of publishing and promoting a few select authors for your entertainment. Keep a look out for a new erotic fiction series and an exciting drama/thriller series. We will provide additional details as the release dates get a little closer, but I assure you, these will be exciting and well worth the read.

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Threesomes, Foursomes, Moresomes, Oh My…

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I was disappointed to read a recent article By Shannon Bradley-Colleary. It was published in the Huffington Post and titled Marriage and the Ménage à Trois. I have included the link for you here Marriage and the Ménage à Trois. The disappointment came when Mrs. Bradley-Colleary tried to explain that sex was the beginning of love and that it should not be tampered with. There should be no other explorations of a couple with additional partners as it too may lead to love. She says’ “In my experience, sex transmogrifies into, if you’re lucky, genuine love, if you’re less lucky, fluttery infatuation or, if you’re totally screwed, mad obsession”.

Really? Why can’t sex just be sex? And how is it that she speaks for every married couple? I don’t have the answer to that one, but I can add that many couples, married and otherwise, have successful and lively ventures into the world of multiple partners. I have interviewed many who claim the “Lifestyle” saved their marriages and they love the new intimacy and value it brings to their relationships.

I do not speak for all, but I assure you that there are as many different likes as there are dislikes. Mrs. Bradley-Colleary states that she stayed with a man she thought was Satan because the sex was good. Huh? But don’t try a threesome, he may fall in love and leave you. Really?

Every game we play has a set of rules. Relationships are similar in that we have rules around them that we want everyone to adhere to. Marriage is one of those relationships. If the rules aren’t broken we feel like we can win the game and be happy together. But, everybody has to play by the rules. Who’s rules?

Open up the Rules Book

As with any relationship, define the rules and stick to them. Be open to conversation but not deviation. Discuss openly with your partner what is acceptable and what is not. If you wish to try a multi-partner experience I suggest you make a plan, define the rules and play by them. Deviation will cause penalty flags to be thrown leading to disaster. If you feel relationship disaster is the end result, re-think the event.

When we are honest about what we want and can live with the outcome, we have a reasonable relationship between those involved. It will never suit everyone, but if makes you happy, go for it.

Again I suggest, make a plan, a set of rules and stick to them.

Can it be fun and enhancing? That’s for you to decide not Mrs. Bradley-Colleary.

If this subject interests you, please let us know and we will be glad to write a few follow ups.

As always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

Take a look at Jay Simcic’s latest book. Here’s the link to find it on Amazon.com: Mancode Secrets Revealed. I highly recommend it for all of our readers. It covers a ton of aspects that you could benefit from in your relationships. The reviews have been great and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

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