Relationships

How To Save Your Marriage-Advice From A Fisherman

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save your marriage

The following story was told to me by one of the coaches I had in the past.  It came from an interview done with an out of the ordinary fisherman who had great success.

It stuck with me over the years.

It’s profound advice that you can use to improve your relationship, enhance your sex life, or even save your marriage.  You might be skeptical but just believe me long enough to read this story.

Here’s the story…

Captain John Rade, was a legendary fisherman in the New York area.  He was known for out fishing every fisherman in his community.

He is a commercial fisherman.  Which means he can sell his fish when he gets back to shore.  While other commercial fisherman use big nets to bring in their daily catches, Captain John uses nothing but old faithful rod and reel.

He doesn’t use the tools the other fisherman use.  No nets… no giant trolling mechanisms… no large crews of fisherman to help him.

He just goes out in his small boat with his rod and reel and out catches every other fisherman by many multiples of fish.

On any given day, fishing on the same body of water, Captain John would routinely pull in more striped bass than ten of his commercial fishing competitors combined.

How does he do this so consistently.

When he was asked by a local news reporter, he said something so simple but profound.

John said, “When most fisherman go out on the water they think like a fisherman.  When I go out I think like a fish.”

You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with saving your marriage or your relationship.

The truth is, it has everything to do with it.

Instead of thinking about how you’re going to get what you want, put yourself in your partner’s shoes and think about what they want.

Ask your self these types of questions…

  • How does my partner see me when I act this way?
  • What is my partner thinking when I say what I say?
  • What kind of emotions is my partner feeling in this situation?
  • What would I do in this situation if my partner said or did those things to me?

If you start putting yourself in their shoes you may begin to get a different perspective of how you can approach your relationship.

For instance…

If your husband comes home late from work and you begin accusing him of cheating on you, what do you think he’s thinking in that moment if your accusations are false?

What do you think it would do to the trust between the two of you if you begin talking down about his friends or family?

What do you think he’s feeling if you yell at him for not taking out the trash when you never gave him a timeline to work from?

Do you think it improves your relationship or hurts your relationship if you withhold sex because you’re secretly mad at him and want to punish him?

These may fit, maybe they don’t… either way you have things that go on in your household that if you were to take an introspective look from your partner’s point of view may change everything.

Most people rarely stop to think about the impact they have on other people.  Even the small stuff that you think is insignificant can be devastating if you aren’t communicating effectively.

That’s why it’s so important to think like a fish, so to speak.  One of the fastest ways to do that is to have regular, honest, conversations with your partner about the important things.  Don’t hold anything back from each other.  Don’t judge either.  Listen, put yourself in their shoes, and look for new ways you can be with each other.

It will make all the difference in the world.

Now I invite you to accelerate the success of your relationship, visit Amazon.com and grab a copy of our new book Mancode Secrets Revealed.  It’s a great read that will open your eyes to a man’s perspective.  Read this book and you will begin thinking like a fish and not a fisherman.

Get it here:  http://www.amazon.com/Mancode-Secrets-Revealed-Relationship-ebook/dp/B008VWYR08/

Also, there is a wonderful bonus at the end of the book that will open up both you and your partner’s minds around sex.  After this you might have the best sex of your life.  Go get it and leave a comment on Amazon to tell us what you think.

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

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The Morality of Fifty Shades of Grey

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There have been several accounts of attacks on the book Fifty Shades of Grey.  In fact here is one post we wrote regarding one of those attacks.

Fifty Shades Of Grey Banned

The “let me impose my morals on you” crowd are at it again.  Recently an article was published in the United Kingdom and again in the Los Angeles Times regarding a UK charity calling for the collection and burning of the book Fifty Shades of Grey. Here are the links respectively:

Fifty Shades of Abuse Campaign UK

LA Times Report on British Charity

As it goes, the charity director, Clare Phillipson, has claimed that the book “normalizes abuse, degrades women and encourages sexual violence”. Further she states the book sends the message that “domestic violence is sexy”.

Now, I want to be fair and state clearly, neither I or anyone at RLA approves of domestic violence. There is no further discussion for us on this matter. However, to take a piece of fiction that deals with a consensual world of BDSM and apply it to a serious issues like abuse and domestic violence does little to promote your cause. I only hope that the good people at Wearside Women in Need, in Sunderland, were just trying to find coattails of a rapidly accelerating item to hang their agenda on in order to gain recognition. If so, well done! But, domestic violence, I’m sorry to vehemently disagree.

Fifty Shades of Morality

When it comes to the right and wrong of an issue, there can be as many different opinions as there are people in the argument. And we are programed to strive to always be right. We try to put everything into neat little piles that define the right and wrong of a situation. But it cannot always be so neat. Truly there are laws governing behavior. Laws are constructed to be a representation of the people they govern. If you don’t like the laws, vote in new representation or perhaps move to a place more to your liking.

We have laws governing everything from drugs to the speed limit. They change from state to state and from one country to another. And they reflect the citizens of those regions. But when it comes to sex, who gets to decide what two consenting adults get to do for pleasure?

The morality of the question is neither perplexing or convoluted. No one should be able to impress their standard of sexual morality upon another, provided there remains consent and maturity, i.e. consenting adults.

The book is designed to provide a view into a sexual social circle that does, in fact, exist.  To think otherwise is fooling yourself. There are complete web sites for just this type of behavior. They sell quality items for binding and restraining. One of the largest is Extreme Restraints, I suggest caution if you are a first time visitor to the site.

But the real trouble, as I see it, is not the desires written in the book, it’s what people make them into using their personal moral values. In the book Fifty Shades of Grey, Anna is given several opportunities to walk away from the “life style” and yet she chooses to remain, negotiate a contract and participate. The character Anna was portrayed as an open minded intelligent woman who choose to engage and enjoy a sexual adventure with a man she deeply cared for. Now that’s my view and opinion.

Now assume that I found the book to be objectionable, it would be easy for me to see it in a far different manner. Where I get tangled up is no one has the authority to force others to behave as their personal morality dictates. If you don’t like the book, don’t buy it and don’t read it. If you don’t like sex using restraints, don’t participate in it. But, don’t tell me how to live my life and, for heavens sake, don’t confuse consensual sex fantasies with a serious issue like domestic violence.

Fifty Shades of Reality

Just mentioning the word “sex” will elicit and provoke thoughts of a wide and varied range within people. What is mild to some is wild to others. What is considered strange to a few can be widely accepted by many. It is our experience level, our comfortably and our morality that makes it what it is. At the early age of _______ (fill in the blank) when the world of sex began for you, everything was exciting and new. As you became more comfortable with a partner or the act, it can be less thrilling. So we move on to new and more exciting things. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults experimenting and enjoying new sexual exploits.

Generally, it is necessary for one partner to be in control and the other to be submissive during sex. What’s the problem? We don’t what to acknowledge this  happens naturally? And then when a accepting, adult couple wishes to try something a little more racy, we get our panties in a knot? Pardon the pun. And that’s knickers in a twist for our UK readers.

Please don’t think for a minute that I give two craps about what you do in your bedroom. I don’t. But the success of this book cannot be denied. It holds the record for the fastest selling book ever in the U.S. topping the huge favorite Harry Potter. More than 3 million copies were sold electronically in less than a month. The book has enjoyed more than 60 printings. 37 countries have the rights, and it has been translated to more than 30 languages. It topped the New York Times Best Seller list for 15 weeks and the movie rights have sold for $5 million.

Although the book continues to remain popular, industries seem to build upon its supposed immoral position. The Daily Anthem published this article Fifty Shades of Grey success illustrates social depravity. Their claim is that the books success is a clear indication of social depravity. Really? Who’s morals are we using for this litmus test? It also suggests that sexually repressed housewives are the target market. If that’s the case, what are we missing? Are we depraved or sexually repressed?

Fifty Shades of Role Play

Our readers have been asking about role playing, the benefits thereof  and the nuances of playing roles in the bedroom. Is Fifty Shades role playing? I think it is but at a level some may find challenging. Role playing can be a great enhancement to bedroom (or outside thereof) activities. What’s right for you? Hell, I don’t know, but I suggest if this question is there for you and your significant other, try it on and see what happens.

Does she want to be the French maid, posing seductively while “dusting”? Does he want to be the repair man who gets a great send off after tending to the broken television. Or do you both want to try out  mild restraints and open power exchanges? Give it a whirl, but don’t forget the golden rule of RLA Advisors…

Have a conversation, be respectful with no judgment, set it up, enjoy and report back to us the success of your Fifty Shades of Happiness.

As of late, the inquiries we receive have been very sexually charged and we will attempt to address them one at a time. I will be covering role playing in detail in an up coming article. Keep the questions coming and give us the time needed to generate a solid response. I apologize if we have not yet covered the area you are waiting for, but I promise we will soon.

In the mean time you should grab a copy of our first book.  You may find new openings for action in your relationship and an enhanced sex life.  All it takes is a few minutes of your time.  Go grab it, it’s only $2.99.

Mancode Secrets Revealed: Relationship Advice For Women

As always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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Our Deepest Thanks

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Although I usually publish on Tuesdays every week, I wanted to take the time to thank our readers and supporters and share the good news. As you know, our first book was released on Amazon.com almost two weeks ago. RLA has worked provide quality offerings in both print and video. We were very happy with the first book, but as with anything we were also anxious to hear from our readers.

Yesterday morning our book, Mancode Secrets Revealed – Relationship Advice For Women, was listed as #7 on the Amazon.com best sellers list for relationship advice. By the end of the business day the book had advanced to the #2 spot on the same list. We are incredibly humbled and wish to extend our deepest gratitude to each and every one of our supporters.

In the up coming weeks we will release our second book. And with the currently generated excitement we hope you will find it equally enlightening.

Our mission statement is:

To make an impact with people around the world. And we do this by providing them the tools they need to have the relationships of their dreams.

I ask that you continue to dream, and dream big!

As always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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How To Save Your Marriage With A Cup Of Coffee

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save your relationship with coffeeA friend of mine told me a story.  It’s an amazing example of how we approach life and our relationships.  It serves as a lesson in how we can improve the world around us and impact our relationships in positive ways.

Listen to this story and identify where in you’re relationship or life you can apply this short lesson.

Here’s the story…

I have a friend names Harlan.  And back in the days when he was serving as a Rabbi he did a great deal of counseling.  One day some friends of his reported that a couple they knew were heading toward divorce.  No one was able to talk to the husband.  He shut down.

The husband was determined that his relationships was over.

When the Rabbi called him on the phone, he asked the husband to come over.  He immediately said, “Rabbi, if this is about the divorce. Forget it.”

The Rabbi told him that he was inviting him over for coffee. If he didn’t want to talk about the divorce, that was his decision and he’d respect that.

When he came for coffee the Rabbi began talking to him about the coffee he was serving.

“This coffee is Kona coffee from Hawaii. It’s one of the most expensive coffees on the market.  It’s taste is out of this world.

But if you go into a supermarket and pick up a jar of coffee, it sure doesn’t taste like this. In fact, instant coffee barely tastes anything close to this.  Instant should hardly be called coffee.

Even the coffee in the can doesn’t taste anything like this.”

The Rabbi’s guest interrupted, “Rabbi, this is the best coffee I ever had! How did you make it?”

He answered: “First, as soon as I get the beans, they go into a freezer in an airtight container. I measure out the exact portion I need and then grind them fresh right before brewing them. The sound you heard when you entered was me grinding the coffee.

Then I pour the coffee into a non-bleached filter and wait for the coffee to drip through. The coffee is so good, most people prefer to drink it black without adding cream or sugar.”

The Rabbi’s friend said, “Who would have thought so much effort went in to making a good cup of coffee?”

The Rabbi said to him, “Anything that’s worth it takes an investment in time and effort. Instant is never worth it.”

He smiled at the Rabbi from across the table.

In a few days the Rabbi heard the man had proposed counseling to his wife.  He told her: “Anything that’s worth it takes an investment in time and effort.”

Now the story is true but let’s look at the core elements.

Most people want instant solutions or they give up (leaving the marriage).

Discover the merits, details, etc. of the more detailed approach in your relationship for a premium experience. (Making really good coffee.)  Realize now that instant solutions don’t work.

Your relationship is worth investing in… If that involves coming to one of our seminars, reading books, or having hard conversations with your partner then go do it.

This isn’t rocket science.  Our relationships are worth living for.  They are worth putting our butts on the line for.  They are the life inside of our lives.

The ball is in your court.

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

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Relationship Contracts

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Recently, we were contacted by another news agency and asked about Relationship Contracts and what we thought about their place in toady’s litigious society.

The question of relationship contracts, their purpose and usefulness has as many answers as it does the couples who use such documents. Every contract will be different in structure and content as well as the context in which it is to be utilized.

So, the question is, are relationship contracts useful? In a word, yes. If a couple feels the need to protect themselves while exploring a relationship or entering into a commitment, such as engagement or marriage, then a contract can be of benefit. I would suggest that both parties need to be comfortable with the idea and present in crafting the document.

In many cases, people feel a great sense of relief knowing that assets are no longer in question and only the relationship is left to enjoy. Moving forward can be easier and more practical for couple with such needs or issues.

On the other side, a contract can cause a barrier to be erected between a couple. If one partner wants the protection and the other has never considered it, there can be quite a problem dealing with the reasoning and actual asset protection. Think through what a contract will do the relationship and choose whether it’s even worth the conversation.

And this brings me to the real rub of the argument. Why do you need a relationship contract? Now, before you snap out an answer, consider the REAL reason behind it. Follow me here and see if this makes sense at all. Here are a few explanations:

  • My last partner left me
  • I had a friend go through a bad divorce
  • My parents are concerned about their wealth
  • I am expecting a large inheritance
  • My lawyer says…

But drill down to the real issue behind such a document. It is only there to protect one person from another. Really? And we are calling this a relationship contract. I feel an argument could be made that there is no relationship at all because there is no trust. And without trust there can never be a solid, beneficial relationship.

So, rather than ask if a relationship contract is the right thing for us, ask why we need it and where does that distrust come from? The issue is not in the contract.

If two people can discuss the concerns they each have regarding trust, then they can begin to structure and create their relationship.

And does a contract deal with the distrust? Absolutely not! Moreover, it reinforces the distrust by both parties agreeing that the issue is truly there and present. The contract does not remove the problem, it magnifies it!

If you enter into a partnership fearing the worst, just expect it to happen. The contract does nothing more than structure how you are going to end the partnership.

Consider that the open wound of distrust is present and the contract is an insufficient bandage on the festering sore. It covers it over, but the injury remains. Repair the wound and the relationship can thrive. But ignore it and the sickness will seep throughout the entire body of the relationship.

Do you need a relationship contract or do you need a real relationship? You get to choose…

As always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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