Imagine your husband is 5’10” and weights 310 lbs.
You love your husband completely. You’ve never thought about leaving him. You just want him to be around for you and your family for as long as possible. You know that if he doesn’t change his weight will definitely impact his health.
What do you do?
How do you tell him without getting him pissed?
The First Thing You Must Do…
Is figure out why you want him to lose weight.
If you want him to lose weight because he’s not appealing to you anymore is different than you wanting him to lose weight because of health reasons.
Do you get upset, angry, or yell at him when he violates what you deem is healthy? Do you jab him about his weight to try and get your point across?
If you’ve answered yes to any of these I recommend you first look at what is triggering you about your man’s weight.
Maybe you had a family member pass because of obesity related health complications. Maybe you had something happen when you were younger that has stuck with you (kids picking on you because you were overweight).
If you can first identify this it will then help YOU deal with the current situation without getting emotional. Believe me, these types of conversations can become emotional and then you go no where. You will now be able to communicate your intent and concern without your own filters and thoughts on the matter. Remember, he’ll have thoughts, emotions, and ideas about where he is health wise too… so you’ll need to be open and non-judgmental about where he’s coming from.
Now it’s time to sit down and have the conversation. You’ll want more than just 10 minutes if you want to have a meaningful conversation. I recommend you set a date and time the two of you can sit and talk. Let him know that you want to talk about some important things to you and you need enough time to discuss them. Once you’ve done that you will want to let him know exactly where you’re at on this topic.
I don’t recommend you say something like, “Dude, you’re fat and I don’t want you to die.” What you can do is say, “I love you and want to spend as long as we can together, happily. The only way to do that is to do the right things in our life like saving, keeping the peace in the family, and staying healthy. And that’s why I want to talk to you…”
You get the picture.
Once you’ve said what you had to, you can let him speak. Don’t interrupt and listen intently. You should listen for the content beyond the surface. On the surface you may hear superficial comments. Beneath that you may hear that he is hurting emotionally and is dealing with something. Don’t judge and don’t jump to conclusions. Talk to him, ask questions, and be in wonder about where he is about his on health.
That’s how you’ll get him to open up and begin to make a difference in his health and your lives together.
If you’ve ever wanted to delve deeper into your man’s psyche and explore what you can do to improve your relationship you will want to check out @$$holes To Zipper Heads: A to Z Guide For Choosing A Man. It’s a great read that will open up your eyes on how to explore the world of your man in a new way.
Love… to infinity and beyond.