Marriage

Relationship Breakthrough Challenge-Part 1

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Relationship BreakthroughOver the next several weeks I’m going to challenge you to have a breakthrough in your relationship. I’m committed that you uncover different aspects of your relationship that allows you to take the bond you have with your partner to a new level.  This is going to require you to pay attention and practice a few steps.  And when you do, you’ll SEE the results.

Over the coming weeks I’m going to talk about different aspects of how to overcome limiting beliefs, how to overcome stress, and take responsibility for certain aspects of your life. I’m also going to have you  look at the story of your life, how to uncover the truth that you really never lose, and how your decisions ultimately guide your life as you know.

During the next 4 to 5 weeks all I ask is that you keep an open mind to the ideas that I provide you. I’m certain that if you follow along do the practice sessions and continue to practice on a daily basis you will have breakthroughs in all the relationships in your life.

Let’s start with our emotions.

One of the things that we tend to do is we look at our relationships and all the problems we have.  However, what we fail to do is look at the problems objectively.

What I mean by that is… take someone who has tons of money, has everything that they could ever want, but hates life. Then look at someone who is a paraplegic who has every reason to hate life but lives a fully satisfied, happy, and joyful life.

If you begin to look at your problems objectively you may see that they really aren’t that big.  Besides, every problem you ever encounter can be handled.  And we’ll talk about how you can deal with them in later posts.

One area that allows you to feel like you’re doing well in your relationships is making progress toward some goal you WANT or NEED.

When you’re making progress toward a goal, you feel alive. You thrive with positive emotion because you can see you’re moving in the “right direction”.

And if you don’t feel like you’re making progress toward that goal, you SEE it as a problem to overcome.

Consider that the circumstances of our lives don’t control our emotions or how we feel.

You may look at an event that seems to be negative and say that it was the event that caused you to feel a that way. This is completely not true. YOU control how the event occurs to you.

To turn your problems into something workable you first have to shift how that experience occurs to you. In order to do that you must change your “should’s” about the experience.

For instance…

My wife barked an order at me.  She shouldn’t have done that.  She should have ASKED me to do what she wanted.  Instead she pissed me off and I yelled at her.

Consider that my reaction was based on how it “should be”.  And the “should be” is something I totally made up.

Now consider you do the same things.  You have a list of “should’s” in everything you do in life, PRIMARILY your relationships.

“He should open the door for me.”

“He should cook my dinner.”

“He should let me orgasm first.”

Our lives are built from a world of “should’s” that we didn’t know we had.

We REACT, not to the event, but how we think it should go.

Consider for a moment that your “should’s” were created from the experience of your life.  That’s how you came to believe them.  Now they seem true to you even if they aren’t.  These turn into expectations that may go unfulfilled because you’re partner doesn’t know.

The Devil Inside

If having these expectations of how things “should” go wasn’t enough add to it one of the deadliest relationship killers of all.

Our default emotion.

Yes, you have a default emotion.  It’s something that you default too when things don’t go the way they should…  It’s natural for you, it’s your default.  We all have it and sometimes are different depending on the “should”.

For instance angry people will get angry when an expectation is unfulfilled. Depressed people will get depressed when their expectation is not met. Ambivalent people get ambivalent.

These are default patterns that will drive us in our relationships.  They will be what you resort to in those “circumstances”.

Now consider you don’t even know that you do it. You react to life as if life is making you do things. You react to events in your relationship as if the other person is making you angry, depressed, or sad.

They aren’t DOING it.  Consider for a moment that it is YOU who gets to choose how you react.

The only way that you can gain control of your emotions and make a difference in your relationship is to become aware of it and modify it.

So here are a few steps you can take to identify what your typical patterns are and change them so you can take your relationship to the next level.

Identify your dominant emotion.

What you want to do is look at how you act.  Be honest with yourself and identify the dominant emotion that you turn to in times of need or crisis. Take a sheet of paper out and write down all of the emotions that you use during a given day.  They can be both empowering emotions as well as disempowering emotions.

You may notice that you turn to the same emotions over and over again. These are your dominant emotions. These are the emotions that you turn to when your relationship doesn’t go the way you think it should.

What’s the fix.

Now I want you to look at the emotions that you just wrote down.  Think about what emotions you would rather have or that would make a difference in your relationship when the crap hits the fan.  What emotion would you have that if you had it, would make all the difference in the world.

For instance, if your dominant emotion is anger what emotion would you like to have in place of anger that would transform your relationship with your partner?

If you’re depressed, what emotion would you like to have in place of it that would give you a breakthrough in your relationship.

Again, be honest with yourself and write this down on that piece of paper.

Practice awareness and shift the emotion.

The next step in having a breakthrough in your relationship is to practice being aware.  You must “SEE” when you’re turning into your dominant emotion.  Said another way, if you’re dominant emotion is angry, then notice when you get angry.  If your dominant emotion is sadness, notice when you get said.

I’m not saying look back into the past.  I’m saying notice it when it happens.  Once you notice it you have the control to shift it.  This is your opportunity to shift that dominant emotion into the one you said would cause a breakthrough in your relationship.

If you’re angry, notice it and shift it to joyful (or whatever you chose).  Shift depressed into happy.

What ever it is you do, shift it into what it is you WANT.

Just by doing this exercise you will gain so much power over your emotions you may surprise yourself.  And when you do this it may even impact others around you.

Anchoring the emotion.

The next step is to make that shift happen so you don’t have to think about it. The only way that can happen is if you continue to practice day after day, recognize your dominant emotion and when you’re having it, shift it into the fix emotion. As you become aware and practice these emotional shifts you are gaining control over your results.

Let me explain what I mean by that last sentence. Imagine that your partner comes home from work and demands that you make dinner. Your normal condition would be to get angry. What would it be like if instead of angry you got joyful. You don’t have to have a reason, you just get joyful. It would shift the situation considerably. In fact your joyfulness may impact your partner’s emotions. How awesome would it be if he ended up being joyful because of you.

As you can see we have dominant emotions that were dealing with time and time again. It’s natural and we all do it. But sometimes those dominant emotions may not be healthy in our relationships. So it’s up to us to take control, identify those dominant emotions, shift them into emotions that will progress the relationship forward and enable it to be a spectacular partnership. Once you do that you can continue to condition your dominant emotion into something that you enjoy.

Once you do this for you relationships, you may notice that it rolls over into the other areas of your life.

If you have questions please go ahead and ask them below. Most importantly I’d like you to read this more than once and then go practice.

I would love it if you would let me know your results. Also next week we’re going to talk about how to overcome stress and what taking responsibility really means. This could be the secret sauce that allows you to transform your relationship to a whole another level.

Love… To infinity and beyond.

Jay

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

We’re Not in Kansas Anymore….

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

The last several weekly articles have generated a debate that has fascinated me, the RLA staff and many readers. Here are the links to the two that started the conversation: Lights, Action, Drama!!!!!!!!!! and Attitude and Gratitude Check them out if you haven’t already.

The power of choice and the recognition of being in control of choosing has brought out stories that prove the point. At first it seemed odd that people around me made an argument of no possibility of choice and that we have no control over our emotions or how we react to situations. So, we here at RLA took a deeper dive and followed the rabbit down the hole. The first post addresses how we choose and the consequences of doing so. If we allow ourselves to be controlled by emotion, that too, is a choice.

The second post gave insight to the perspective in which we choose to live. I give several examples of how I and people around me make bold choices to do the right thing in the face of what could be considered “wrong”. The reality is that there is no “right’ or “wrong” but WE choose to make it into something that we can label and therefore be comfortable with. I like that we have a conversation going about our ability (or not) to choose how we act, react, and engage.

So, back to the stories… Recently, I had the distinct pleasure of meeting a woman named Savannah, who was gracious enough to discuss our web site and asked questions about what we do here at RLA. She was intrigued and shared many aspects of her life with me and my friends. She was open and direct and shared one story after another. Savannah had us all laughing about her family and their behavior.

During the discussion, the option of choice was brought up. We talked about how making choices and being in control brought a great position of power to any relationship. I offered that if we wanted the truth about any situation, our best bet was to ask a woman 70 years old or more. You see, my opinion is that there is no greater truth than that from an old woman. They have seen it all, lived it all and done it all. Furthermore, they have absolutely no reason to hold it back. They will fire the truth at you as if it were being shot out of a Remington model 1100, right between the eyes and with no regard to your feelings. You asked, they deliver. Old ladies are the Dominos pizza of truth, delivered right to your door, hot, fresh and under 30 minutes. “Does that dress make you look fat? Oh Honey! When you walked into to church this morning, I thought there was a college football game about to start. I mean, silver stripes just aint’ your thing Sweetie. Now, I don’t mean nothin’ by it, but if you want to keep that dress at least get some advertising for the back side.” And there you have it the double report from the model 1100 fired at point blank. I LOVE OLD WOMEN! They choose to live by their own rules.

And Savannah, once again, had a story. She has an aunt who, at the time, was 92 years old. And Aunt Janie liked to have things here way. She made no bones about it, she liked things to be a certain way based on her proper upbringing in the state of Georgia. You see, Aunt Janie had lived during a time when manners were taught and observed by everyone in the community and she was not about to let go of what she viewed as proper. In addition, Aunt Janie knew this was her choice. Her choice came with consequences but that was also fine by her. As Savannah explained, Aunt Janie was the kindest person you could meet. She loved company and was a gracious southern cook. Aunt Janie was as happy to have visitors at any time as most single older women are. But there was one thing she would not compromise. Aunt Janie was raised in a time when a visitor “called” before they arrived. As was the custom in her younger days, it was proper to schedule a visit, especially to the home of a single woman. And now was no different.

Savannah said that even though the family all knew of this “rule” some of them tried to visit unannounced. The results were less than spectacular. Every unannounced visitor found Aunt Janie sound asleep on the sofa facing the TV. And no matter how hard or often they knocked, no one could wake Aunt Janie. When Savannah told Aunt Janie that she had missed several visitors due to her afternoon napping, she was stunned to find out that Aunt Janie had missedd nothing. Her 92 year old aunt was playing opossum! She explained that she knew of each and every person who came calling and she feigned sleep rather than answer the door to an unannounced caller. She was set in her ways and no one was going to alter the proper nature of her rules. Aunt Janie further explained that she increased the volume of the television, slumped down into a sleeping position and watched through half open eyes as the company banged on her front door. How cool is that? At 92 years old, Aunt Janie was still saying, “Do it my way, or bite my A$$!”

In this case Aunt Janie made a choice, it had consequences and she lived by her rules. Love it or hate it she chose to conduct herself as she saw fit and I feel like that alone is enough to offer some respect.

So, this will wrap up my rant on choice unless there is more out there to discuss. The conversation has been stimulating and thank you to all of those who have shared in the dialogue. Keep choosing and offer the same to those in your life. You be surprised as to the results.

As always,
Love with no shame and ask with no fear.
Bobby

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Need To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship?

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Resolve Your ConflictsDo you think you’re in a bad relationship?

Maybe you do, maybe you don’t.  I think many people stay in bad relationships thinking, hoping and feeling things will get better.  Many people, both men and women, stay in difficult relationships hoping things will change.  They even hope they can change the other person.

Before I address any of those concerns let’s take a look at some clues that your relationship may not be in the best condition.

One of the biggest offenders that could cause any relationship to go downhill quick is…

Jealousy

Jealousy in some cases can be very flattering, but there is a thin line between controlling and jealousy.

If your partner is reading your mail, calling you uncontrollably when you’re out with friends, or checking your phone messages there should be a big flashing light going off for you.  If your partner is preventing you from going out with friends, causes you to second guess everything you do, and causes YOU to modify your behavior so they don’t get pissed – then you should be taking a closer look at your relationship.

One-Way Behavior Modification

Do you find yourself trying to change things about YOU to make your partner happy? If you’re making changes so that your partner doesn’t get pissed or to appease them, maybe you should take a closer look at the relationship.  In my opinion that’s NOT unconditional love going both ways.  That’s one way love, YOU loving them enough to change but not the other way around.

Think about it, even the smallest changes you make for your partner could impact your life, your friends, and even your work.  That’s because your relationship isn’t in a silo.  It’s part of your life and influences everything you do and how you come across to others.

Name Calling

Being called names can be extremely hurtful, and when your partner is constantly putting you down verbally in front of your friends and family members or even when you’re alone can cause a great relationship to sour quickly.

Do you really want to be called names by someone you love?  Of course not.  But in some relationship name calling is common because they know what your insecurities are and can push your buttons this way.

In my opinion, this type of behavior is uncalled for and not necessary in ANY relationship.  If your relationship is so bad one of you has to get vicious and start using verbal abuse, maybe both of you should take a closer look.  The only reason for this type of behavior is to HURT.  And if you’re partner is purposefully hurting you, why do you want to stay?

These are all major signs of a relationship in turmoil.

Now, let me be clear, bad relationships will have good times too. And those good times may cloud all of the nasty that’s being done.  But it’s a cycle.  Some days it’s good.  Some day’s it’s difficult.  Should relationships be that difficult to deal with?

Will you have fights and disagreements?  Sure.  Will there be times of silence?  Possibly.  But if the above actions are a regular occurrence, then maybe you should give your relationship extra thought.  You should look deep inside and start analyzing the facts of the situation and if you are willing to deal with them for LIFE.

So that comes to the question – Should you work the problems out or simply walk away?

First let’s look at…

How Our Minds WorkHow Our Brains Work

Consider that we always want to be right.  That’s why when we buy something we’ll do everything we can to prove to our friends, family an anyone who will listen why making that purchase was the right thing to do.  We justify it.

The same thing happens in relationships.  We don’t want to believe that we were wrong in making such an important decision.  We may think… “I love this person.  How could they be this way?  Maybe they will change.”  You may even find yourself giving yourself reasons why your partner does what he does.  You also may find that your partner wants to be right in the relationship.  They don’t think they’re doing anything wrong.  Everything is YOU.

I have to ask…

What would you do if a coworker, a stranger, or a friend treated you the way you’re partner is treating you?  Would you put up with it.  I would bet that you’ve put up with less from friends and coworkers before.  So why does your partner get a “freebie” to treat you like this?

Consider that it’s because you don’t want to be wrong about them or you’re using them as a crutch or reason for your own short comings.

You’re probably shooting me the bird, cursing me up one side and down the other, but consider that you’re holding on so that you can blame them for when things go wrong or don’t get done in your life.

Gosh, how could anyone expect you to do what you say when you’re dealing with relationship issues.

Most people have sympathy for these situations.  They give you lots of rope because they don’t want to upset you.

Now it’s time to talk about the big subject…

Changing Your Partner Or Yourself

Do you want to change your partner?  Do you really want to change?

I don’t think “changing” per say is the best plan.  Changing someone is like putting icing on a cow patty.  No matter what you do, it’s still a cow patty.

Your partner may change and modify their behavior but will still be harboring the feelings and resent you for making them change.

But consider that you can’t make anyone do anything.  Their actions and everything they do – the name calling, the jealousy, the getting you to change – all comes from inside of them.  It’s their emotions and the story they’re making up that causes them to do the things they do.  It ultimately has nothing to do with you.

Let me give you an example.  Jon was cheated on by three previous women he dated and fell in love with.  Each event piled onto each other and now Jon is very jealous of everyone he dates.  He’s become so controlling he prevents his partner from going out with friends, attending events without him, or even participating in activities she enjoys.  He’s fearful that his partner will cheat on him.

You see, everything there has to do with Jon and nothing to do with his partner.  But when we’re in a sour relationship we look at what we can do to make it better, change ourselves, and modify our behavior.  Doing that might make matters worse.  How can it make it worse?  Because you don’t get to who you truly are.  You’re living a lie.

So how do you save your relationship?

It starts with understanding that, if you’re partner is treating you badly, there is nothing for you to change.  It’s time to ask your partner to have an open and authentic conversation.  Ask your partner to be willing to do deep soul searching.  What you want to do is find out what caused your partner to do what he does.  It’s those past events that are more than likely causing them to act the way they do toward you.

Once you’re able to get at the core of what was causing that behavior, it’s time to acknowledge it and let it be.  Once your partner is aware of what he’s doing, he should be able to recognize it, catch himself and stop it.

Now, if things begin to change in your relationship, great.

But if they don’t and things keep going the way they’ve always done then maybe it’s time to call it quits.

You have to determine for yourself whether you want to put up with this behavior or find a relationship that works for who you are.  No matter what the situation, to me, verbal abuse and this type of behavior is on par with physical abuse.  It can be just as damaging.

If your partner is unwilling to do some deep soul searching and uncover what it is that’s triggering these responses, then it may not be worth staying in the relationship.  Then again, maybe it is worth staying.

Let’s face it, some relationships are NOT worth saving.  Some ARE worth saving.  YOU have to make that choice.

Ultimately the ball is in your court.  You get to say who you want to be with.  You get to say whether you stay in the relationship.  You get to say how your life goes.

Also, I want you to look at everything I’ve just said… You might be pissed and hate me for it.  But you know what, it’s just my opinion.  You can choose to accept it or ignore it but if you are pissed and upset about it, consider there was something that triggered it and it’s not me who caused it.

So, what’s going on in your relationship?  Post your questions and let’s get some conversation going.  We can write about specific scenarios and give our thoughts on the craziest situations.  And as always, it’s just our opinion.  You make them count.

Love… to infinity and beyond,

Jay

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Love And Respect-What Men Want In A Relationship

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Love and Respect Is MissingDo men NEED respect in public from their women?

I’ll answer that in just a minute but first I want to tell you why this topic came up.

I’m sitting here reading a book about what men think and it’s written by a woman.  I’m not saying women can’t write about what men think.  They sure can but unless they’ve talked to countless men and gotten past the surface level answers, I’m not sure you can get the full story.

She states that one of the most important things men want from their partner is to get respect in public.  She indicates there is an alarming amount of public disrespect of men by the women they love.

She indicates that dozens of men told her how painful it is when their wives criticize them in public.  She goes on to say that these guys have women put them down, criticize them, and question their judgment in front of others.  She also goes on to say how delicate and fragile men’s ego is.  She indicates that it’s not our ego that’s hurting when this happens but our secret feelings of inadequacy as a man.

Ok, I have to call Bullsh*t here.  I can’t go along with that.

First, let me say that if you think respect is a one way street you’re sorely mistaken.  A woman should respect her man’s judgments, considerations, and word in public or private.  And her man should do the same for her.

Respect is an equal opportunity value.

I don’t care who you are, man or woman, if someone you love criticizes you, teases you, and questions your judgment in public you’re going to be upset if not straight up pissed.

I don’t know what type of guys this author was interviewing or what their situation looks like but she must have found the absolute worst case scenarios.  I go out in public a fair amount and I have to say, I don’t see much of this disrespect going on.

If it’s happening, it’s not being done in my circles.

But like I said, respect is not a male thing or a female thing.  Respect should be given to each other as part of the relationship.  If there is no respect one way or the other, you should either work it out or walk away.

In my opinion you can’t have a relationship without mutual love and respect.  That’s what men want in their relationships (I’ll let the women speak for the women).

Ok… and a little sex too (just adding some humor).

Are there times when teasing can be hurtful?

Sure, but again it goes both ways.  And it’s up to both of you in the relationship to discuss what’s going on.  Your man can’t expect you to know what he’s thinking and feeling if he doesn’t tell you.  And yelling or arguing about the problem doesn’t help at all.

I suggest that you set a time to talk when both of you are alone.  Then have an open and honest conversation explaining how you feel.

Look, everything in our world exists through the language we speak.  You can’t describe the color blue if you didn’t have the words to describe it.  That’s why it’s so important to choose your words with care and communicate exactly what it is you intend to mean.  And when he’s expressing himself try not to cast judgment.

When things don’t turn out like you expected, if he’s upset or if you’re upset, then it’s time to have a discussion and be open and honest about it.  If you don’t have mutual respect and love with open and honest communication how can you expect to have a relationship.

Tom Cruise And Katie Holmes Divorce

A great example of this is the current divorce that’s been announced by Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.  Consider that any marriage will end if there is some expectation or ideal that was not fulfilled or put to rest.  Of course I don’t know what went on in their household but when you can’t come to a mutual agreement on “show stopper” type matters then all there is left to do is split.

One thing is certain so far, we do see mutual respect for each other because they are staying quiet. They’re not talking down to each other in the media.

All of this begs the question, why should anyone stay in a relationship where there is constant friction, bickering, and unfulfilled expectations?

I think most of the time conflicts can get resolved through communication.  But if one side is unwilling to budge, there’s not much to do except to give in or if it’s a show stopper to end the relationship.

Let’s look at Tom and Katie again.  There has been speculation that the cause over their break up has to do with Tom’s unwillingness to let their daughter out of the Scientology way of schooling.  On the other side, there is speculation that Katie doesn’t want their daughter to grow up in a Scientology school.

I don’t know much about Scientology but it’s like this… if they can’t agree and this particular disagreement is a show stopper for either one of them, then they are doing the right thing by breaking up instead of continuing to bicker and fight.

If you can’t tell, I don’t think fighting, yelling, and bickering is the answer to anything.  Talking, communicating openly, and expressing yourself fully to your partner is.  And if conflict still can’t be resolved then you can both CHOOSE to end the relationship.  I can’t understand why anyone would stay in a relationship that consists of constant bickering and fighting where neither of you can agree.

Relationships are supposed to be filled with love, joy, and engagement… aren’t they?  That’s up to you and your partner to define.

Now back to the crazy lady whose book I was reading… In my opinion, the author of this book clearly missed the mark.  In a way she describes men like you would a child who gets upset because they can’t have their way.

Ladies, if you want to get into the mind of your man please don’t read a book from another woman, talk to a girlfriend, or ask other women.  Ask a few men that you trust for their honest opinion in the matter.  Ask to hear it straight and exactly how they think.  Then you might get part of the picture.

If you want the full picture with love and respect, talk to the man who you know, love and trust.  That’s who you should be getting your information from anyway.

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Lights, Action, Drama!!!!!!!!!!

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)

Relationships today have taken a turn in which life represents art. I am referring to reality TV and the influences it has on our own lives. I am a huge fan of reality TV and I fault no one for watching and enjoying the carnage that takes place on such programs. Forget the Amazing Race and Survivor, I’m talking about the original day-time dirt. There is nothing better than watching a couple of strippers cat fight over a trailer trash, red-neck, hillbilly for female dominance of the Sunny Meadows RV and Trailer Park. YEE-HAAAWWWW, that’s just good old fashion fun!

I get to laughing out loud watching this kind of thing on TV. At times I find myself crying from laughter and thinking, “My life is great”. On occasions I feel as if I need a good dose of day-time trash to make me see my life as good and wholesome compared to others. But the reality of reality TV is that we see ourselves in those performing or living out their lives for all of us to view.

Don’t deny it! We have all sat in front of the idiot box and thought, “We should talk to my in-laws about going on that show”, or “That reminds me of our last Thanksgiving dinner”. We all know someone, some where who would fit right into the current top-of-the-morning “Talk Show”. There is no reason to be embarrassed by it or them, it’s just the way families are. We are all dysfunctional to a certain degree, but we can choose to act upon it or take a different path.

The Set Up…

Going through our daily lives and relationships with those around us, we encounter issues and problems of all kinds. Disagreements, arguments, confrontations, they are with us or part of us every day. And we get to choose how we approach and deal with these every day occurrences. Let me say that again, every day occurrences.

You may make a case that there are days when we don’t have issues and problems. Well, perhaps so, but again that is a choice. But consider that every occurrence in life is presented to us with a choice of how we will behave. In other words, regardless of the situation, we get to choose what happens by how we act upon the issue. What’s that? You don’t believe it? Let’s look at an example…

Johnny and Peg are a married couple. Johnny pays the bills as is their agreement. While paying the monthly cell phone statement, Johnny logs on to view the bill via the web in an effort to find a possible reduction in price based on the couples total usage. He discovers three calls from Peg’s phone to his best friend Tom. All were placed last Friday evening while Johnny was at a company dinner function. The total time for the three calls was more than 90 minutes!

Johnny feels he must address this with Peg immediately. He gathers the phone bill and storms into the kitchen to find Peg.

Cue music. Camera pans from left to right. Camera pulls back for a full view of the audience pounding their fists in the air to a chant of, “Jerry, Jerry, Jerry…”  Enter Jerry, announcing, “And on todays show we have Johnny who is here to confront his wife Peg about her recently discovered infidelity” The audience screams their disapproval. What a great show! Let’s get a front row seat! Johnny has chosen the reality TV approach. This should be good!

OR

Johnny and Peg are a married couple. Johnny pays the bills as is their agreement. While paying the monthly cell phone statement, Johnny logs on to view the bill via the web in an effort to find a possible reduction in price based on the couples total usage. He discovers three calls from Peg’s phone to his best friend Tom. All were placed last Friday evening while Johnny was at a company dinner function. The total time for the three calls was more than 90 minutes.

Johnny feels he must address this with Peg, if only for his curiosity and peace of mind. Over dinner when he asks, Peg reminds him that Lisa, Tom’s wife, had visited that evening after she and Tom had argued. Lisa left her apartment upset and without her phone. Once she was clam she called to talk to Tom and borrowed Pegs cell phone. They worked it out and Lisa was back at home happy later that night. Boring, I know, but Johnny is in control of choosing and the out come will be very different based on his choice.

The Final Act

As I said, these issue are there for us each and every day. Many pass us by without notice and others are thrust upon us to be dealt with in the rudest fashion possible. Either way, we get to choose how we take on the situation. Tell me I am not performing well enough at work. I can call the boss an asshole or ask what is missing that would benefit both of us. When the car breaks down, I can complain about it or deal with the repairs. Either way I have to get it fixed. Find a strange entry on the cell phone bill and get upset or inquire as to why.

Each time I get to choose and be in control and powerful with the choice. I have what it takes to keep the conversation moving forward and in a positive direction. If it is true that Peg is cheating on Johnny, does he need an audience and a talk show host to know how to handle it? I should think not.

Give the benefit of conversation to those around you. Let them be part of the engaging dialogue and offer them the opportunity to get open and honest with you. In return you can be in control by providing the space for such conversation. Many people don’t know how to get to this point but that, in and of itself, could make for a great conversation with someone you love. Embrace the idea of conversational intercourse. It can be extremely stimulating.

That’s it for now. I have to run off to find out if Marty, Sean, Terry or Bubba is Betty Lou’s baby daddy. The DNA results are in! And the hits just keep on rollin’.

 

As always,
Love with no shame and ask with no fear.
Bobby

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rate this article:
Rating: 0.0/4 (0 votes cast)