Love

Vegetarians, Relationships and the Power of Choice

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I don’t know how many of our readers will truly get the point here, but I had to share it. I welcome comments and questions. I want you to have the same freedom I have discovered in my relationships. Being capable of choosing brings me a sense of comfort and ease that I have never before experienced. I hope that I haven’t missed the mark. Please let me know…

It has been said that the greatest gift we have as human beings is that of choice. I agree but what does that really mean?

Recently, I had a wonderful conversation with a close friend. I always enjoy her dialogue, she is insightful and challenges me to think. As a vegetarian, she makes a moral decision about what she will and will not eat. Further, she attempts to limit or remove any animal products from her life style. I commend her. Although I am not a vegetarian,  I often ask about new information regarding the diet.

During our latest discussion she suggested that eating anything was simply a moral decision. I was somewhat confused and asked for clarification. Her thoughts (correctly,I might add) were,  societies place morals on what is eaten and what is not. For instance, at one time cannibalism was practiced,  dog is consumed in several countries and horse meat is a staple in many different regions. Each area or society deems what they feel is a correct moral value on what is regularly eaten.

I was greatly intrigued by the thought of morality incorporated it deciding and choosing. But what I discovered surprised me.

The Morality of Being Moral

Doing the right thing is what it’s all about. But who gets to decide what’s right?

Dictionary. com defines morality as follows:

mo·ral·i·ty [muh-ral-i-tee, maw-]

noun, plural mo·ral·i·ties .

1. conformity to the rules of right conduct; moral or virtuous conduct.

So if I get this right, morality is just conforming to the rules of being proper. And those rules are changes or modified based on who sets them. Okay, I get that. How can we be moral if the code for being so changes in every social circle? What is truly right and do I use my own morality in every choice or decision I make?

My head was spinning letting me know that this was a good question…

Deciding the Truth

Searching for an answer I began to review choices I had made. I thought about eating a dog, a horse or other items deemed to be unacceptable here in the United States. I considered that I made those choices freely but based on my own morality. Yes, I used my morals to guide me to an end conclusion many times. Each new consideration was one moral decision after another. What was right verses what was wrong. Deciding the best way to go about something without getting into trouble.

Was it possible that every decision I made was morally based? If so, how could there be any possibility of free choice? Another conversation with an RLA Advisor revealed the secret I was searching for.

Decision is the act of selection based on reason. In other words deciding what should or should not be done within ones personal moral beliefs. I had not been choosing, I had been deciding. And the difference was incredible. If we base our decisions on reasons, what happens if the reasons change?

Decision Verses Choice

The impact of what happened next was profound. I realized that I had not been choosing, I had been deciding. The difference is extreme. Choosing something or someone is a powerful thing. It is done because I say so and there is no reason to it. Choosing is a gift of the greatest magnitude and mistaking it can have a horrible consequences.

The best way to describe it would be with the thought that lingered in my mind. “I choose to go to work every day” It seemed to make sense to me until I said it again, “I choose to go to work every day for my family” It still felt good to say it but the difference was, I was deciding based on a set of circumstances. I was not choosing! What scared the hell out of me was, what if I no longer enjoyed my job? Would I resent the job or would I resent my family? And there it was, basing anything on the set of reasons was not a choice it was a decision. If the morality of the decision changed, so be it, but there is no power.

Additionally, the reasons are limiting. If I loose my job, or get divorced what happens to the decision regarding my job. The mentality has to change because the reasons I implied have disappeared. I had to rethink the process and find empowerment within choice.

I do believe that the greatest gift we have as human beings is that of choice. But, I also feel that we overlook what it means to truly choose. If a reason is involved it is not a choice. Don’t be fooled by reasoning it out. Get past it and make the effort to choose and see what happens.

Consider what this will do for your relationship. I choose my girlfriend because I choose my girlfriend. There is no reason. The choice is mine and no one else’s. There is no reason or circumstances that force or guide me. I choose because I choose. If you wish you can do the same it creates a space for the choice and nothing else. What you choose will stand on it’s own and there will never be a reason governing the choice.

I honor my wife because I choose to honor my wife.

I honor my husband because I choose to honor my husband.

I love my children because I choose to love my children.

I go to work because I choose to go to work.

The power of choice is the greatest gift we have and yet understanding it can be incredibly difficult. So go out and choose, don’t decide, don’t reason, and don’t be moral. Just simply choose because it is what you want, nothing more. The freedom is unparallelled.

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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Spicing Up Your Sex Life

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Having hotter sex is an ongoing discussion here at RLA Advisors. Time and again we are asked the same question, “What do you suggest?”. When it comes to improving sex there is no “one size fits all” methodology. Sex is an exercise that requires practice and skill just like most physical activities. Few achieve perfection their first time out. It is important to hang in there and keep trying, but at the same time, get better.

Although not one thing works for everyone, we have a few suggestions.

Be Patient

Don’t rush, be patient with yourself and your partner. There is nothing wrong with a “quickie” but it doesn’t have to happen every time. Take the time to explore yourself and your partner. If you are uncomfortable with either, the experience can be less than thrilling. Knowing your body and your partners makes it easier to find all the right spots.

Caress, fondle and examine. Slowly move from one spot to the next. Take more of an interest in the areas that stimulate your partner. And don’t assume that you know every point that he or she likes. With exploration you may just find a few more.

If You Don’t Know, Ask…

Get comfortable with asking questions. During sex it can be exciting to ask if something feels good. Make a game of it and assist each other with the delightful chore of discovering new pleasure spots. One interesting experiment is to create a list of known pleasure areas for each of you. Once completed, share the lists and explore each other without touching any of the listed regions. Place a time limit on this game because it has the tendency to get hot, quick. When the time is up, go for it!

Asking about sex and erogenous zones with your partner can be a little intimidating at first, but in time this should dissipate. Keep each other engaged in the conversation and you will dive deeper into the discussion every time. Each question and answer should be exchanged without any judgment or prejudice. If you don’t know, you have to get the information from somewhere. What better source than the partner you are trying to please?

Getting the Conversation Going

Outside of the bedroom is my favorite place to discuss sex. And I highly recommend it to others. It forces the dialogue to take a different tone and shape. As you are not in the act, the pressure to perform is removed. Since you are not in “performance mode” you get the chance to discuss and exchange ideas without the benefit of doing right then and there (although this has been known to happen on occasion).

The best and most interesting part of the discussion is your imagination. As you begin to talk about what turns you on, what ideas you have, what you have read or seen, the mind reels with the erotic excitement of the conversation. And being excited makes it easier to talk about. Many studies have been done with regard to the human mind and sexual stimulation. It is proven that we respond to question different when we are turned on. And the more we are sexually excited, the more inclined we are to be open about what we think and feel.

Getting into and keeping the conversation going is a great enhancement to sex. I suggest that if either of you are dispassionate about your sex life, discuss it. But let’s not talk about what’s not working. Dwelling on the dysfunctional part tends to highlight just that.  Concentrate on the good stuff even if you have never made it part of your sexual encounters. Commit to each other to be open and honest and schedule a dinner out, away from the house and plan the evening discussion.

Throughout dinner share sexual likes and desires, no matter how crazy or erotic. Don’t judge just accept the conversation as a simple discussion and see where it goes. Ask question about what you are listening to. Get into the nitty gritty of the ideas. Share the eroticism and the fantasies you each have. You may find that you have some ideas in common, but at the very least, you should have an exciting, sexually charged conversation.

Continue on the drive home and enjoy the rest of the evening. Because conversation is the best foreplay.

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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The Morality of Fifty Shades of Grey

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There have been several accounts of attacks on the book Fifty Shades of Grey.  In fact here is one post we wrote regarding one of those attacks.

Fifty Shades Of Grey Banned

The “let me impose my morals on you” crowd are at it again.  Recently an article was published in the United Kingdom and again in the Los Angeles Times regarding a UK charity calling for the collection and burning of the book Fifty Shades of Grey. Here are the links respectively:

Fifty Shades of Abuse Campaign UK

LA Times Report on British Charity

As it goes, the charity director, Clare Phillipson, has claimed that the book “normalizes abuse, degrades women and encourages sexual violence”. Further she states the book sends the message that “domestic violence is sexy”.

Now, I want to be fair and state clearly, neither I or anyone at RLA approves of domestic violence. There is no further discussion for us on this matter. However, to take a piece of fiction that deals with a consensual world of BDSM and apply it to a serious issues like abuse and domestic violence does little to promote your cause. I only hope that the good people at Wearside Women in Need, in Sunderland, were just trying to find coattails of a rapidly accelerating item to hang their agenda on in order to gain recognition. If so, well done! But, domestic violence, I’m sorry to vehemently disagree.

Fifty Shades of Morality

When it comes to the right and wrong of an issue, there can be as many different opinions as there are people in the argument. And we are programed to strive to always be right. We try to put everything into neat little piles that define the right and wrong of a situation. But it cannot always be so neat. Truly there are laws governing behavior. Laws are constructed to be a representation of the people they govern. If you don’t like the laws, vote in new representation or perhaps move to a place more to your liking.

We have laws governing everything from drugs to the speed limit. They change from state to state and from one country to another. And they reflect the citizens of those regions. But when it comes to sex, who gets to decide what two consenting adults get to do for pleasure?

The morality of the question is neither perplexing or convoluted. No one should be able to impress their standard of sexual morality upon another, provided there remains consent and maturity, i.e. consenting adults.

The book is designed to provide a view into a sexual social circle that does, in fact, exist.  To think otherwise is fooling yourself. There are complete web sites for just this type of behavior. They sell quality items for binding and restraining. One of the largest is Extreme Restraints, I suggest caution if you are a first time visitor to the site.

But the real trouble, as I see it, is not the desires written in the book, it’s what people make them into using their personal moral values. In the book Fifty Shades of Grey, Anna is given several opportunities to walk away from the “life style” and yet she chooses to remain, negotiate a contract and participate. The character Anna was portrayed as an open minded intelligent woman who choose to engage and enjoy a sexual adventure with a man she deeply cared for. Now that’s my view and opinion.

Now assume that I found the book to be objectionable, it would be easy for me to see it in a far different manner. Where I get tangled up is no one has the authority to force others to behave as their personal morality dictates. If you don’t like the book, don’t buy it and don’t read it. If you don’t like sex using restraints, don’t participate in it. But, don’t tell me how to live my life and, for heavens sake, don’t confuse consensual sex fantasies with a serious issue like domestic violence.

Fifty Shades of Reality

Just mentioning the word “sex” will elicit and provoke thoughts of a wide and varied range within people. What is mild to some is wild to others. What is considered strange to a few can be widely accepted by many. It is our experience level, our comfortably and our morality that makes it what it is. At the early age of _______ (fill in the blank) when the world of sex began for you, everything was exciting and new. As you became more comfortable with a partner or the act, it can be less thrilling. So we move on to new and more exciting things. There is nothing wrong with consenting adults experimenting and enjoying new sexual exploits.

Generally, it is necessary for one partner to be in control and the other to be submissive during sex. What’s the problem? We don’t what to acknowledge this  happens naturally? And then when a accepting, adult couple wishes to try something a little more racy, we get our panties in a knot? Pardon the pun. And that’s knickers in a twist for our UK readers.

Please don’t think for a minute that I give two craps about what you do in your bedroom. I don’t. But the success of this book cannot be denied. It holds the record for the fastest selling book ever in the U.S. topping the huge favorite Harry Potter. More than 3 million copies were sold electronically in less than a month. The book has enjoyed more than 60 printings. 37 countries have the rights, and it has been translated to more than 30 languages. It topped the New York Times Best Seller list for 15 weeks and the movie rights have sold for $5 million.

Although the book continues to remain popular, industries seem to build upon its supposed immoral position. The Daily Anthem published this article Fifty Shades of Grey success illustrates social depravity. Their claim is that the books success is a clear indication of social depravity. Really? Who’s morals are we using for this litmus test? It also suggests that sexually repressed housewives are the target market. If that’s the case, what are we missing? Are we depraved or sexually repressed?

Fifty Shades of Role Play

Our readers have been asking about role playing, the benefits thereof  and the nuances of playing roles in the bedroom. Is Fifty Shades role playing? I think it is but at a level some may find challenging. Role playing can be a great enhancement to bedroom (or outside thereof) activities. What’s right for you? Hell, I don’t know, but I suggest if this question is there for you and your significant other, try it on and see what happens.

Does she want to be the French maid, posing seductively while “dusting”? Does he want to be the repair man who gets a great send off after tending to the broken television. Or do you both want to try out  mild restraints and open power exchanges? Give it a whirl, but don’t forget the golden rule of RLA Advisors…

Have a conversation, be respectful with no judgment, set it up, enjoy and report back to us the success of your Fifty Shades of Happiness.

As of late, the inquiries we receive have been very sexually charged and we will attempt to address them one at a time. I will be covering role playing in detail in an up coming article. Keep the questions coming and give us the time needed to generate a solid response. I apologize if we have not yet covered the area you are waiting for, but I promise we will soon.

In the mean time you should grab a copy of our first book.  You may find new openings for action in your relationship and an enhanced sex life.  All it takes is a few minutes of your time.  Go grab it, it’s only $2.99.

Mancode Secrets Revealed: Relationship Advice For Women

As always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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Our Deepest Thanks

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Although I usually publish on Tuesdays every week, I wanted to take the time to thank our readers and supporters and share the good news. As you know, our first book was released on Amazon.com almost two weeks ago. RLA has worked provide quality offerings in both print and video. We were very happy with the first book, but as with anything we were also anxious to hear from our readers.

Yesterday morning our book, Mancode Secrets Revealed – Relationship Advice For Women, was listed as #7 on the Amazon.com best sellers list for relationship advice. By the end of the business day the book had advanced to the #2 spot on the same list. We are incredibly humbled and wish to extend our deepest gratitude to each and every one of our supporters.

In the up coming weeks we will release our second book. And with the currently generated excitement we hope you will find it equally enlightening.

Our mission statement is:

To make an impact with people around the world. And we do this by providing them the tools they need to have the relationships of their dreams.

I ask that you continue to dream, and dream big!

As always,

Love with no shame and ask with no fear

Bobby

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How To Save Your Marriage With A Cup Of Coffee

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save your relationship with coffeeA friend of mine told me a story.  It’s an amazing example of how we approach life and our relationships.  It serves as a lesson in how we can improve the world around us and impact our relationships in positive ways.

Listen to this story and identify where in you’re relationship or life you can apply this short lesson.

Here’s the story…

I have a friend names Harlan.  And back in the days when he was serving as a Rabbi he did a great deal of counseling.  One day some friends of his reported that a couple they knew were heading toward divorce.  No one was able to talk to the husband.  He shut down.

The husband was determined that his relationships was over.

When the Rabbi called him on the phone, he asked the husband to come over.  He immediately said, “Rabbi, if this is about the divorce. Forget it.”

The Rabbi told him that he was inviting him over for coffee. If he didn’t want to talk about the divorce, that was his decision and he’d respect that.

When he came for coffee the Rabbi began talking to him about the coffee he was serving.

“This coffee is Kona coffee from Hawaii. It’s one of the most expensive coffees on the market.  It’s taste is out of this world.

But if you go into a supermarket and pick up a jar of coffee, it sure doesn’t taste like this. In fact, instant coffee barely tastes anything close to this.  Instant should hardly be called coffee.

Even the coffee in the can doesn’t taste anything like this.”

The Rabbi’s guest interrupted, “Rabbi, this is the best coffee I ever had! How did you make it?”

He answered: “First, as soon as I get the beans, they go into a freezer in an airtight container. I measure out the exact portion I need and then grind them fresh right before brewing them. The sound you heard when you entered was me grinding the coffee.

Then I pour the coffee into a non-bleached filter and wait for the coffee to drip through. The coffee is so good, most people prefer to drink it black without adding cream or sugar.”

The Rabbi’s friend said, “Who would have thought so much effort went in to making a good cup of coffee?”

The Rabbi said to him, “Anything that’s worth it takes an investment in time and effort. Instant is never worth it.”

He smiled at the Rabbi from across the table.

In a few days the Rabbi heard the man had proposed counseling to his wife.  He told her: “Anything that’s worth it takes an investment in time and effort.”

Now the story is true but let’s look at the core elements.

Most people want instant solutions or they give up (leaving the marriage).

Discover the merits, details, etc. of the more detailed approach in your relationship for a premium experience. (Making really good coffee.)  Realize now that instant solutions don’t work.

Your relationship is worth investing in… If that involves coming to one of our seminars, reading books, or having hard conversations with your partner then go do it.

This isn’t rocket science.  Our relationships are worth living for.  They are worth putting our butts on the line for.  They are the life inside of our lives.

The ball is in your court.

Love… to infinity and beyond.

Jay

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