Jay Simcic

Relationship posts are written by a self-proclaimed expert on relationships. He's been married for over 15 years and has a lovely daughter who is 6 years old. You can read more on the information page: http://www.relationshiploveadvice.com/blog/about/

Men And Women Read Minds Poorly

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Mind reading Nothing is ever the way it seems.

Our brains are amazing computers that keep us going.  It keeps us alive.  It protects us.  It gives us fight or flight.  It allows us to analyze information as we get it and make important decisions.

It also helps us read the minds of others.  It’s a useful tool because we can anticipate things in life.  We get a feeling when something is going to happen.  We react to things that we didn’t SEE.

But when it comes to emotional things like love, relationships, and sex it’s not so effective.

Our brains tend to make up things for what it doesn’t know or understand.  That’s to say that we make things up when we don’t have a clear picture.  And what’s neat is that we don’t know that we made it up.

For instance… A friend of mine had a intimate experience with a guy.  He was up front with her and said that he didn’t want a relationship.  But the rules of that game were not spelled out ahead of time.

So there was a lot of mind reading going on.  He makes her feel good and they end up being very intimate.  In the end she felt an emotional connection.  He likes her but not to have a long term relationship.  The intimate setting allowed her mind to believe that he wanted more to the relationship than he actually did.

Now she’s playing tricks on herself on whether he likes her the same.

Here’s what I have to say.  She has to take responsibility and note that she is in control of her feelings.  He did what he did and she made herself feel a certain way.

That will give her the power to make decisions about this man instead of reacting to a situation.

But that’s not all.  I suggest that the communication be much more clear about what each other wants. If he really only wants a physical relationship, he should state that clearly up front.  It should be arranged as such and if anything changes then that can be communicated.

She should ensure the communication is clear about what SHE wants and what she intends on getting.  When you communicate you’ll be able to see what is really there and work with what you really have.

Knowing this sometimes makes no difference. So…

How can you be proactive in the face of your brain that makes up what it wants?

What should happen is a two way communication that delivers the message intended and that represents what you both want out of the relationship.  It’s not fair to either of you if you hold anything back.

You see, if we don’t communicate our brains will fill in the blanks with whatever it wants.  You can’t know what another person is thinking unless you’re straight and ask them.  That’s why authentic communication is fundamental to every relationship.

It does take effort and sometimes you don’t want to say what you should say.  Our filters and mind reading capabilities go into overdrive.  We start to find evidence that supports our thoughts.  It’s crazy but true.

That’s why it’s extremely important to keep the communication lines open and honest.  Don’t hold anything back.

I would love to hear our thoughts on this subject so please leave a comment or any questions you may have below in the comments section.

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Same-sex marriage ban passes in North Carolina

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Equal RightsWomen should be able to work construction, work at the highest levels of government, and be married to other women.  And the same goes for dudes too.

Educated?

One thing is certain.  We’re in a time when people are smarter than ever and it seems like we still have issues in politics that have to do with beliefs.  Who cares if people in same sex relationships have the ability to marry or not.  

I don’t. 

I invite those folks in same sex unions to have the same rights as I do as a heterosexual married couple.  They should enjoy every right I have…. No more… No less.

In my opinion, the only people who have issues with any of this are those with religious beliefs that are against it.  These same people want to bring religion into politics. I don’t think those two belong together.  This has to do with people having rights, not what you believe in. 

Here’s an excerpt from CNN that I came across today.

Thousands of North Carolina voters hit the polls on Tuesday to cast their ballots on a referendum that would constitutionally ban same-sex marriage, even though state law already does not permit such unions.

Amendment 1 would alter the North Carolina Constitution to say that "marriage between one man and one woman is the only domestic legal union that shall be valid or recognized in this state."

Supporters argue that the amendment is needed to stop those trying to redefine marriage and to ward off possible future actions of "activist judges." It would also strengthen the state’s position against same-sex civil unions, often considered a precursor to the marriage issue.

Opponents say the measure is redundant and could result in jeopardizing domestic violence protections for women and affect couples’ health benefits.

Several municipalities in North Carolina provide benefits to same-sex couples, state officials say.

Duke University law professor Kathryn Bradley says those rights could be potentially lost if the referendum passes on Tuesday.

Concerns over the measure also home in on the potential for unintended consequences, she said, affecting issues such as child custody and the prosecution of domestic violence among unmarried couples because of the narrow definition of the new statute.

"Before domestic violence laws, we relied on criminal assault laws, which don’t always protect against things like stalking," added Bradley, who says the measure could also affect heterosexual couples.

But Sen. Dan Soucek, one of the primary sponsors of the proposed amendment, said he doesn’t "believe those are legitimate concerns."

Source:  CNN.com

Watch out homophobes, same sex marriage will be here one day!

And if the issue is with calling it “marriage” then it should be called something else but let these folks have their rights of being in a recognized union of some sort. 

I can’t imagine not giving everyone equal rights in this Country. Isn’t that what I joined the military for… to protect the freedoms and rights we have. 

Maybe I’m a little bit biased, I have a family member who is gay.  He’s been with the same dude for 20 years.  Doesn’t that count for something.  Not in some states.  They’ve been together for 20 years and neither is entitled by law the same rights I have with my wife.   They can’t be covered by the same insurance, they have legal issues if one of them gets deathly ill, and if one of them dies, forget it.   

How is that right.

Nah… I don’t think so.

Is this what’s it’s come to?  Screw everyone but your own kind.  I thought this was covered many years ago with civil rights.

Look, what you do with your life is none of my business. 

I do believe everyone should be afforded equal rights under the law regardless if you’re same sex or not.  I know that beefs up against the homophobe types, but get over yourself and look in the mirror.   

Anyway, I’m pretty amped up about it because I believe in equal rights regardless of what you call it.  I know that’s not a popular stance and I hate that the law got approved in NC.

I know there’s not much I can do but vote, which I did.  And if you’ve read this then you know where I stand. I just have a hard time believing people want to prevent others from having the same rights as I do.  It truly blows me a way. 

It is what it is.

If you’re in NC, I hope you got out and voted.  For all you folks who want to screw your fellow man, you were able to vote because of the rights and freedoms many gay and lesbian military members fought for.  Enjoy them while they last. 

1984

In the end it looks like same-sex-couples lost this one and I hate it.  What we see here is what is wrong with our country.   

Louise Reed, also of Asheville, handed out pamphlets urging voters to support the amendment. "The Bible says marriage should be between a man and a woman, and that’s what our church believes in," Reed said.

Source:  USAToday.com

This isn’t about the Bible Louise… it’s about equal rights for all. 

Leave me your comments.  Let’s hear them.

Jay

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How Women Control Men

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Women Control MenThe video you are about to watch is a perfect example of how women have complete control over men.

It’s simple, it’s effective, and women know they have it but seem to deny it.

Strange things happen when women engage us in anything sexual.

We lose our minds and DO AS YOU WISH. 

And it’s not that we don’t want to… it’s why we do it.

Yes, we can beat it, it’s not complete mind control but women are extremely effective.

We do what you say when you say when it’s tied to sex (or something having to do with it)…

Watch the video…

YouTube Preview Image

My question to the ladies out there.

Do you know you have this and do you use it as blatantly as the girl did in the video?

I’m curious if you do it on purpose then become two faced and point the finger at us being pigs or whatever name you call us.

But with that being said let me discuss a few concepts that aren’t really talked about but are used either intentionally or unintentionally by all of us.

Women are training us guys like dogs…

Here’s what I mean.

As men we respond to certain things in a certain way.  As an example, if you take the last post I wrote about what boobs do to us you would notice that we respond in a certain way when we see the boobies.  We essentially go mindless.

In the same way, I believe women have trained us in certain ways to get things done around the house, to do things for them, and to get what they want.  And I’ll say this, there’s nothing wrong with it because we do the same thing.  But let’s bring some awareness to it.

First, here’s an excerpt from a book on dog training that was used by a women to train her husband’s behavior.

A young woman married a man who turned out to be very bossy and demanding.  Worse yet, his father, who lived with them, was equally given to ordering his daughter-in-law about.  It was the girl’s mother who told me this story.  On her first visit she was horrified at what the daughter said, “wait and see.”  The daughter formed a practice of responding minimally to commands and harsh remarks, while reinforcing with approval and affection any tendency by either man to be pleasant or thoughtful.  In a year she had turned them into decent human beings.  Now they greet her with smiles when she comes home and leap up – both of them – to help with the groceries.

Source:  Don’t Shoot The Dog!:  The New Art Of Teaching And Training by Karen Pryor

I don’t know if the story is true but it is a fantastic book to give you ideas on how to covertly train people… Including your spouse.  But I’ll leave that for another post.

How do you think women train us.

I’ll start by giving you an example in my life.  I’m working in my office.  I’m totally in the zone writing and thinking.  My wife walks in and I barely notice her.  She gives me the “stun-flash” and I lose the zone and all thoughts.  She now has my attention.

The “stun-flash” has happened enough times now that I hardly hesitate anymore to give her my attention when I’m working.  That works great for her because she gets my attention.  She gets what she wants.  But it doesn’t work so great for me because it breaks my concentration.  And the thing about it, is I hardly have any REAL control over it.

It just happens.

Where else do you think this is happening in our lives.  Where else do you think this is happening in the office, at home, out at the ball field.  With men, that’s why sex sells.  Ads are often designed with sexy women because they know men will stop on a dime.

Here’s another example from a recent Superbowl ad from Go Daddy.

Now knowing what’s going on I hope that we can all be more aware of the influence and control women have over us guys.  I’m not denying that it might happen the other way around too but it probably won’t have anything to do with our bodies or sex.

What Can I Get For $50?

I’ve been privy to a few married conversations that went like this.

She says, “Hey honey, can I have $50 to go get some clothes?”

“We don’t really have it.  Let’s wait till next payday.”

She says, “If that’s how long you want to wait for a BJ, that’s fine.”

“Ok, let me go get the money out of the ATM.”

Is that abuse… LOL, maybe, maybe not.

It does demonstrate a couple of things though.  One the lady in that relationship doesn’t feel comfortable just using the money in the household.  Second, she’s using what she knows will work on her husband.  I’m not saying either is right or wrong, only what I heard.  Maybe it was a joke.  I don’t know but at least now we’re aware of this sort of thing going on.

Here’s one more video that demonstrates what I’m talking about but it’s not the Doritos…

YouTube Preview Image

With that being said I will leave you.

As always leave comments if you agree, disagree, or want our team to cover a specific topic.

 

Jay

 

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Fifty Shades Of Grey Banned

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fifty shades of greyThis post is off schedule but I just came across this short video on CNN.com which indicates that libraries are pulling a book off the shelves. And I had to get this out while it was on my mind.

The book in question is called “FiftyShades Of Grey“.  I’ve included the link in case you want to pick up your copy.

It’s an interesting read.  It’s fiction but gives you a look into a realm of sex and love that many people don’t know about and rarely talk about.

Is it a conversation I would want to have with my 6 year old daughter?  Hell no.

It would be a conversation to discuss with older teenagers who are entering the sexually active years who have questions.  I wouldn’t be opposed to having candid conversations about this when they came up.

My opinion is that open conversation allows young people and adults alike to communicate on a mature level about what matters to them.  And as I recall as a teenager my hormones were firing off.  And if I had someone to talk to about this sort of thing I wouldn’t have had to learn from friends or through experimentation as much.

Besides, I won’t doubt this book will make it to the hands of the people the library was trying to keep it from anyway.

Anyone remember 2-Live Crew?  Ha!

Consider that keeping these things from our young adults forces them to experiment on their own without the proper precautions and frame of mind.

Ok, but back to the book…  It’s so taboo the library is pulling it off the shelves.  Is it censorship?  You decide…

 

Interesting, don’t you think.  We live in a country that touts our freedoms yet something so simple as a book is being yanked off the library shelves.

Next thing you know fine art that includes nudity will be banned.  How in the hell did we get so friggin’ prude.  On top of that, how did we get to a point where we can’t talk about these things openly with close friends, young adults, or the teenagers we parent.

Are we going backwards in this society or is it just me.

Again, I’m sure this will fire someone up.  Leave your comments if you dare.

Jay

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Fun Bags, Tits, Hooters, Titties, Racks Oh My!

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Boobs, Please Your Man, Fun Bags, TittiesOh my goodness.  I’m sure this post is going to stir some crap.

Remember, you’re getting the REAL thoughts of a man about one of the most charged topics known to man. 

Boobs.

Yes, we have nick names for them.  Let’s see if I can come up with a few.  Smile

Fun Bags, Tits, Titties, Racks, Cans, Bazongas, Ta-Ta, Twins…

You get the picture.  The list goes on.  And here’s the thing, we don’t mean any disrespect to women or their boobs.

With great power comes great responsibility.

They actually have great power over us.  You see, there are only a few things in this world that can stop men in their tracks, completely wipe their mind clean of anything, and begin slobbering or mumbling. 

And any part of a boob is one of those things.

And I’m going to tell you, it’s not a controllable thing.  It just happens.  It’s as if it is built in. 

In fact it takes a lot of power and control to NOT look at them. 

Really, just a bit of side boob could be hanging out and we’re looking.  It could be 80 year old granny boobs and we’re looking. 

For REAL.  It’s an involuntary reaction. 

Ninja boob watching is the sneakiest.

We have even developed a method of boob watching that is extremely sneaky.  It’s so ninja it’s not even funny.

I call it “Peri-viewing”. 

It’s when you look at boobs through your peripheral vision.  Now, I’m not going to divulge to you exactly what that looks like because then you’ll throw a hissy fit when you see the look.

And that’s part of the problem.

If women understood that it’s NOT a disrespect thing and it’s an admiration thing maybe you wouldn’t be so up tight about boob watching.

We really do react to them.

Real story, and I’ll probably get beat for it.

I was in my office one day and a certain lady, I find very attractive and have been married to for over 15 years, came in and performed a diabolical 3-second “stun flash”.  She caught me in the middle of doing something.  By the time I saw the Boob flash I was stunned.  I could no longer think.  My fingers stopped typing, my mind went blank, then they were gone.

It all happen so fast but the 1-second that I caught them made the difference.  Not only are they burned into my memory in only a second (spank bank) but it rendered me useless for at least five minutes.   But it didn’t stop there because it invoked an involuntary reaction in the nether region that I couldn’t do anything about.

Ladies, you really do have the power.  But then you complain because we check out the boobs.  It’s ingrained and it is more unnatural to not look.

Cleavage in public and at work.

Now, I’ve got a bone to pick.  I know for a fact when a breeze blows and I have a hole in my shorts I feel it very easily.  With that I know when women are getting dressed and there is 6 to 12 inches of cleavage showing, you know it’s there. 

I can’t help myself.  And don’t tell me you don’t want to be gawked at.  I’ve talked to many women who say themselves, “They know what they’re doing.”

The bottom line is, I’ll do my best not to look but don’t get mad if you catch me peeking using my ninja skills.

And men who are married or are dating these women…  I know you want to see their cleavage. 

And if YOU can see it, so can I. 

So don’t get mad when you see me pulling the ninja maneuver on your girl.  We’ve both got the same animalistic instincts.

Now that I’ve probably pissed off half the country and given away some of the man secrets I’ll probably have my man card revoked.  But I’m hoping for the best.

Do me a favor, you got a complaint, leave a comment.  You agree, leave a comment.  You want us to talk about something juicy or something you’ve been wanting to know about men, leave a comment.

Till next time… I’m going boob watching!

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