Nothing is ever the way it seems.
Our brains are amazing computers that keep us going. It keeps us alive. It protects us. It gives us fight or flight. It allows us to analyze information as we get it and make important decisions.
It also helps us read the minds of others. It’s a useful tool because we can anticipate things in life. We get a feeling when something is going to happen. We react to things that we didn’t SEE.
But when it comes to emotional things like love, relationships, and sex it’s not so effective.
Our brains tend to make up things for what it doesn’t know or understand. That’s to say that we make things up when we don’t have a clear picture. And what’s neat is that we don’t know that we made it up.
For instance… A friend of mine had a intimate experience with a guy. He was up front with her and said that he didn’t want a relationship. But the rules of that game were not spelled out ahead of time.
So there was a lot of mind reading going on. He makes her feel good and they end up being very intimate. In the end she felt an emotional connection. He likes her but not to have a long term relationship. The intimate setting allowed her mind to believe that he wanted more to the relationship than he actually did.
Now she’s playing tricks on herself on whether he likes her the same.
Here’s what I have to say. She has to take responsibility and note that she is in control of her feelings. He did what he did and she made herself feel a certain way.
That will give her the power to make decisions about this man instead of reacting to a situation.
But that’s not all. I suggest that the communication be much more clear about what each other wants. If he really only wants a physical relationship, he should state that clearly up front. It should be arranged as such and if anything changes then that can be communicated.
She should ensure the communication is clear about what SHE wants and what she intends on getting. When you communicate you’ll be able to see what is really there and work with what you really have.
Knowing this sometimes makes no difference. So…
How can you be proactive in the face of your brain that makes up what it wants?
What should happen is a two way communication that delivers the message intended and that represents what you both want out of the relationship. It’s not fair to either of you if you hold anything back.
You see, if we don’t communicate our brains will fill in the blanks with whatever it wants. You can’t know what another person is thinking unless you’re straight and ask them. That’s why authentic communication is fundamental to every relationship.
It does take effort and sometimes you don’t want to say what you should say. Our filters and mind reading capabilities go into overdrive. We start to find evidence that supports our thoughts. It’s crazy but true.
That’s why it’s extremely important to keep the communication lines open and honest. Don’t hold anything back.
I would love to hear our thoughts on this subject so please leave a comment or any questions you may have below in the comments section.